21 April, 2017

public service announcement

this is not a blog post. this is an article that i think EVERYONE should read.

my only wish is for a government that makes evidence-based policy decisions. all else would fall into place. but, as crusty juggler just advised me, i'm not holding my breath.

read this and share it. please.

12 April, 2017

fashion tips for the apocalypse

so here's my looting shopping list for the apocalypse. tell me if i missed something and why you think that.

1. antibiotics. broad-spectrum, narrow-spectrum, ointments, pills, whatever i can get my hands on.
2. bandages
3. duct tape (works best for blisters. ain't nobody wanna die of blisters in the apocalypse!)
4. comfortable boots. steel toed and heavy duty leather if possible.
5. toothbrushes and toothpaste and floss (ain't nobody wanna die of sepsis from a dental infection gone bad in the apocalypse!)
6. light down-filled jacket
7. good warm hat
8. sunglasses, several pairs - i can't live without sunglasses: my eyeballs are sensitive and hurt and no, i'm not trying to be cool, i'm just trying to be comfortable.
9. tarp
10. down sleeping bag
11. water purification tablets
12. water bottle (large, insulated)
13. chocolate and nuts (fast source of energy and protein, that's why!)

ok, i'm running out of steam. anyone wanna add to this list, please do so in the comments which have been so sparse lately i'm thinking nobody loves me anymore* except for a couple voices (and you know who you are). the apocalypse is coming - what do YOU want to pack*?

*pack yer bags! we're going on a guilt trip!

03 April, 2017


i walk along the bayou on an almost daily basis and each time i go, i see turtles. usually they are mere panicked splashes in the murky water as i approach, but on several occasions i have had them cross my path: big and little; with tail and without; plain and patterned; skittish or resigned.

this morning's turtle was a big'un, sitting there in the grass, looking up at me in a decidedly pissed off manner:

i squatted for a while and looked it in the eye (i ain't gonna take no shit from no turtle!) and eventually decided to see what the hell was up - i.e. why was it just sitting there and looking at me instead of a. shutting itself up in its handy carrying case or b. fucking off.

i told mr. monkey all about my adventure just now:

moi: i saw the turtle today. i think it was laying eggs.

mr. monkey: how do you know?

moi: i lifted it up and it had its butt in a slimy hole.

mr. m: well, there you go. you just witnessed the miracle of birth!

i sure have. and it was just as heavy on mucus as i expected it to be.