05 January, 2017

squirrel in the attic

mental health

the drugs seem to have kicked in. i'm in that sweet spot of not really feeling much of anything most of the time, and while i've heard people complain about this particular aspect of taking antidepressants, i'll take numb over miserable any day, thankyouverymuch.

i've gone off facebook and twitter. i've stayed away from the news. i'm working hard on maintaining my equanimity and separating myself from the shitstorm of "out there" seems to be a good start.

one thing that this whole adventure exposed is how far i am from real self knowledge. it knocked me off my smug complacency and it continues to do so in small after-shocks. but that's good, innit? it's good, sometimes, to be shown the limit of one's self-awareness. it just means i'll keep pushing ahead... in a while. in a little while. right now i'm taking a wee break.


one of the benefits of giving up social media and making a conscious effort to focus my energies on one thing at a time is that i'm back to reading books. it seemed for a while there that i was no longer able to sit and read for longer than mere minutes before i started itching to see what else was happening out there (an anxiety-promoting electronic FOMO). thankfully reading is back. phew! now i'm ready for the apocalypse.*

auto-complete is the window to your soul

i was texting sanity salad the other day and when i typed "talked about," one of the phone's autocomplete options was "vaginas" which made me super happy. apparently i type "talk about vaginas" often enough that my phone recognizes it as a pattern. sanity salad and i were tickled pink.

the eponymous squirrel

i'm assuming it's a squirrel. it might be an entirely different texan beast. a possum, perhaps? at any rate, something's up there and it's making a racket. might be time to revisit my old days of squirrel huntin'. this here's the country for it, that's for darn sure.

*it may be argued that i am always/never ready for the apocalypse. depends on the day.


Tom said...

Third paragraph: Yes, it is good! But I think that some moderation sometimes needs to be exercised. It is wise perhaps to treat spiritual scar tissue with care. Glad the tablets appear to be working.

polish chick said...

moderation in the search? yes, i agree, but mainly because i think i'm not capable of anything else at the moment.

spiritual scar tissue - that's a good way of putting it.

Zhoen said...

If you ever think, "Aha! Now I've achieved Enlightenment!" you've just dropped it. Maybe it's less about understanding ourselves, than about accepting that we are as unknowable as the nature of god, or the extent of the universe. And being comfortable with never knowing, while still searching.

Staying away from the news is good advice for all of us, enough will filter through so you won't be blindsided. Treat it like a solar eclipse, don't look at it directly and you'll be ok.

Glad the drugs are working for you. Mine are working for me as well.

Geneviève Goggin said...

I'm glad to hear you're ok. And I still love you even though you're on the hunt for my beloved squirrels again. xo

Lucy said...

Tickled pink [about] vaginas!

The reading thing sounds good too.

polish chick said...

zhoen - yup. reading the news isn't exactly a good way to stay informed. especially now days.
as for the whole idea of ever-searching, it's true. perhaps if we stayed static, then we could possibly achieve a moment of complete self-awareness. alas, we tend to change, and as such, we have to keep searching. i'm fine with it. it's good to get a kick in the complacency, especially since it's a soft place, and made for kicking!

g - not gonna shut anything. just gonna dream about it.

lucy - yeah, i know! i had a little titter about it when i wrote it!