05 October, 2016

ideological delousing

when i first told my cousin i had applied for a job in edmonton, his immediate reaction was to invite me to stay as long as i needed. when i got the job, he announced they'd hose down and delouse the guest bedroom in readiness for me. and indeed, when i arrived it was neater than i'd ever seen it. living here is noisier and far more chaotic than i'm used to, but it's pretty damn nice - pretty damn nice, too, to have dinner ready for when i get home!

yesterday, my second day at the office (an utter shit day: emotions welled up; i felt useless and annoying; i missed mr. monkey so badly it hurt; i wanted nothing more than to curl up and cry) i called my cousin after work to chat and he announced that the girls had lice. i itched in the capital region for the remainder of the walk, and, once home, we were all treated with lotions and potions, we washed hair, we dried hair, we combed hair. i was hoping to have been spared but alas, i found one vile creature and something that could possibly have been an egg. so. fucking. gross.

today the adventure continued: my cousin and his wife spent the whole day combing the kids' hair and nit-picking like a pack of tall blonde baboons after the girls were refused entry to school. i would have found it funny if i wasn't one of the afflicted. i'm sitting here now, tea tree oil, lavender oil, and some industrial strength concoction marinating on my head, killing the noxious creatures. wish me luck, wouldya?


Zhoen said...

Oh, dear, I'm so sorry. In nursing school, they had us go to schools and check children's heads, all of us itched after, even though none of us got lice. At least it gives a focus for your misery.

This is what you have to endure to deserve your prince?

Geneviève Goggin said...

OMG... From this distance (and please do stay away) this is a very funny post. I'm just imagining the pack of tall blond baboons.
Even a month after my trip to Toronto, I still live in fear that I might have brought back bed bugs along with my dozens of bed bug bites. Every little bit of lint makes me freak out. I'm still itchy everywhere just thinking about it. Good luck!

Geneviève Goggin said...

I hope the first day was better than the second. And give yourself a break. It takes time to learn a new job and they don't expect to you know everything. You're a catch and do t you forget it!

Tom said...

This was the kind of experience that was kept in the dark when I was a kid. To say that X had nits or lice was like saying they were of a social order so low that it had no acceptable name. I can only conclude from your post that, thankfully, the world has improved its attitudes somewhat.

Crusty Juggler said...

After not having cried for...months? a year? I had a very brief bawling session after reading a depressing headline in a local news story. But then I read this and started laughing for many minutes. Thank you. And I am so so sorry. Because damnation, that's gross. May your family be free from the pestilence soon. Also, you should watch the following relevant episode of Bob's Burgers, which I will share with you via the usual shared file place, as soon as possible. I think you'll like it and it will help you accept and move on from your terrible terrible problem: "Lice Things Are Lice" (Season 6, episode 10). May the universe bless and keep you.

polish chick said...

i think i may be free. the itching, at this point, is (methinks) purely psychosomatic and also related to moving from wet texas to dry alberta. keep your fingers crossed, dear readers!