16 June, 2016

there are things that need to be dealt with

1. we walked into the back yard this evening and what should we see on the top of the fence post but a giant disembowelled grasshopper. i'm going to have to have a talk with larry about leaving his unfinished dinner lying around. just plain rude and not the way we conduct ourselves in this household.  bad larry!

2. i had a glass of wine and then a glass of bourbon and found that caring about american politics becomes ever so much easier when i've had a drink or two  three. i realised that if i manage to stay tipsy until i die, i might be just fine! simple, non? no, no it's not. it's hard to maintain a nice buzz without falling head first into full fledged alcoholism. but i'm trying! watch me!

3. in related news i have vowed to henceforth tweet and share only art, baby animals, or heart-warming stories until the goddamn election is over. fuck you, negativity, fuck you and your ilk! i'm sick of you and i ain't gonna play no more. i responded to two trumpists and i am not doing that again. americans take their second amendment waaaay the hell too seriously and i am done caring.

4. the downside to owning a pool is that you are unwilling to pee in it. this is a pain in the butt: the whole getting out, drying off, schlepping to the washroom. i realise i just confessed to peeing in the occasional public pool. if you want to judge me, go ahead, but i don't believe that you have never peed in a public pool. in the interest of full disclosure, i will also now confess that i once pooped in the ocean. it was a long day on a wild beach - what else could i have done?

5. mr. monkey and i are off to poland on monday for 2 weeks. we will go to our friends' wedding and then spend some time in my neck of the woods saying a proper goodbye to my grandma (i.e. walking the paths she taught me as a child). if i manage to keep their similarly insane politics out of my head, we'll have a grand old time. as for you, world, it's time to swing back left. this right wing thing isn't working out so well for me.

6. and finally, i want you to know how much i appreciate having all y'all in my life. in a world that seems seriously in need of an intervention. y'all rock!


Crusty Juggler said...

I fully support #3. Stay strong! Regarding #4, I confess I was in the bathroom pooping while reading it. I laughed out loud. D. heard me from the living room and hollered, "A.'s blog?!" I hollered back, "Yup!" So, well done and you rock most royally.

Zhoen said...

Bon Voyage!

And as to how to respond to Trumpholes,

Three Southern Belles are sitting on the veranda of a very spacious plantation sipping mint juleps.

The second Southern Belle asks the first Southern Belle, “What did your husband get you upon the birth of your first child?”

The first Southern Belle says “Oh my…upon the birth of my first child my husband bought me that lovely swimmin’ pool you see over there down the lawn.”

The second Southern Belle nods in appreciation and the third Southern Belle said, “Well…how nice.”

Then the first Southern Belle asks the second Southern Belle, “Well, dahlin, what did your husband get your upon the birth of your first child?”

The second Southern Belle smiles radiantly and says, “Upon the birth of my first child, my husband bought me this beautiful diamond ring you see upon my hand.” and holds it out for all to admire.

The first Southern Belle exclaims, “Well, my! How very lovely!” and the third Southern Belle says, “Well…how nice.”

Then the first Southern Belle and the second Southern Belle turn to the third Southern Belle and ask in unison, “Well hon, what did your husband buy you upon the birth of your first child?”

The third Southern Belle turns her head down demurely and then looks up with the slightest smile and says, “Upon the birth of my first child, my husband sent me to charm school. Now instead of saying fuck you? I just say ‘WELL…HOW NICE.’”

Geneviève Goggin said...

I have long since implemented #3 and highly recommend it as a way to avoid being angry all the time. As for #4, we'll I laughed right out loud... And coincidentally (I think/hope) I was also on the toilet when I read it!! Try not to read too much into that.

Lucy said...

I feel quite a bit that way about the UK referendum.

One evening after a meal out in a fishing town near here, we were walking with Molly on the harbour wall and she pooed. Not wanting to leave it for people to walk in but with no bags with us and no bins nearby, Tom picked up the turd in a paper tissue and dropped it into the harbour, to join the fishing boat diesel emissions, fish heads and guts, toxic levels of agricultural nitrate run-off etc etc. A young woman walking with her partner nearby admonished us, telling us the sea was not a waste bin and that we should have carried it away with us. Irritating though it is to be thus sanctimoniously scolded for a mild offence, I couldn't help but admire her citizenly outspokenness, I suppose.

Have a very good trip to Poland!