27 May, 2016

an (unofficial) guide to living in the woodlands

1. drive a really nice and large shiny new car. the bigger and newer and nicer and shinier the better. the only people who drive old cars are the poors or mexicans. ew.

2. don't signal when driving: it's nobody's business where you're going. anyone who signals or expects others to signal is against freedom and likely a crypto-communist.

3. don't ever open your car windows; god gave us air conditioning for a reason. the only people who drive with their windows open are the poors or immigrants or, worse, poor immigrants. ew.

4. walking on the pathways as a sportsing-type activity is encouraged, with yoga leggings mandatory regardless of the heat or humidity. wearing normal clothes and walking to an actual destination like a shop or a restaurant is weird and highly discouraged. the only people who actually walk somewhere are the poors or immigrants or weirdos.


6 comments:

Geneviève Goggin said...

Oh boy. Looks like you're going to have to make friends with the poors and Mexicans and immigrants. And the weirdos, of course.

polish chick said...

well, we already have the south africans and romanians and all my existing weirdos. and i really don't want to make any more friends. i'm all full up!

the auntologist said...

Fight the soulless minions of orthodoxy at every turn!

polish chick said...

i fully intend to! my armpits are unshaven, our volvo is old, and i walk to dinner whenever i can manage! i also refuse to wear yoga pants when it's 647 degrees outside because it's stupid.

Zhoen said...

You are so our kind of people.

That sounds like L.A., but in Texas? Wow.

polish chick said...

yes, but with more guns!