i'm finding that the more i sit home alone, the more i want to sit home alone. granted, i had a good day yesterday breaking fast with g, and then hanging out with my wee girls and their mom, but when i came home and saw that there were no more showings that evening (there were 3 during the day, fruitless so far), i washed off my face, put on my sweats, and got down to the business of serious bed-sitting. a glass of prosecco, a bowl of cow-share cottage cheese, and a couple episodes of "the last kingdom" completed my wild and crazy saturday night.
i do make a point to leave the house not only during showings. i see family and friends and enjoy seeing both, but i also see how much i adore being by myself. my mom has begun checking in with me via skype text, which is good, because i've been forgetting to keep in touch myself. she skype-calls occasionally and when she does i respond and chat amicably, but the thought of actually calling anyone seems vaguely unpalatable. i just want to be by myself, in my home, alone, eating my cottage cheese, listening to the radio, and watching man-candy on the small screen. is that so very bad?
i think the weather is partly to blame. the spring (at least alberta spring), like the fall, offends my body and soul. the wind, the dull greyness, the slooooowww coming of green, the bitter cold interspersed with the glorious sunshiny warmth. it's just too fucking confusing! and when the sky turns grey, i hunker down and dream of cake in my little fortress of warmth and comfort. when mr. monkey is around i tend to get out more, which is odd because i'm the social one in our little duo. but when he's not here, i am perfectly happy to not see anyone ever. this go around, i must remind myself that i am here for a limited engagement and so must resist this intense hermitishness.
alas, today i'm devoting to organizing this year's taxes, lest they become an unreasonable burden to tomorrow me. but first, i will brave the cold and wind, walk two blocks to the store and get myself some cake. there's very little to say about this gloomy grey cold windy sunday, other than that it's definitely a cake kind of day.