02 December, 2015

alligator tears (for greater zoological and geographical accuracy)

as you well know, mr. monkey and i are heading to poland tomorrow to deal with his aunt's estate. this morning i posted several ads in an online forum - most of the items i posted are free. within literally 2 minutes i had 20 responses. i left the house to run errands and when i came back there were nearly 90 messages, and they continue to trickle in while i write this.

as i went through the messages and answered them one by one, the stress and anxiety i'd been feeling for the last couple of days decided to take the emotional route as my imagination filled in the stories of all these people who were desperately interested in free furniture. before long, i was crying onto the keyboard. oh fuck, in my next life, i'd like to come back as someone who will actually DO something to help mankind, or else not give a shit. this in-between state i find myself in is as useless as it is painful.

meditation (and medication) or not, right now i'm feeling that we're not a very great species and all these tales of hardship and woe, all this unalleviated poverty, all this illness and damage, all these wars and shootings and terrorist attacks are making me ill.

UPDATE: last count, i had well over 300 responses to my ads. america's leaders, in the meantime, are praying and keeping victims of gun violence in their thoughts - very VERY useful.


Zhoen said...

Look at your hands. Really, look at 'em.

You got two.

That's all.

Do what you can with what you got.

Geneviève Goggin said...

You are articulating what most decent people living a decent life are feeling. You are not alone in feeling that way. Here I am, spending countless hours reading blogs and watching cat videos. What you may be forgetting is that you are an amazing aunt, a super friend and you fill the world with beauty through your art, writing, and the creative flair you bring everything you do. Don't underestimate the contribution a person makes simply by being kind and by taking many small actions over a lifetime.

Tom said...

I can't really add much to the two previous commenters with whom I totally agree, except...... well I wish I'd had family or friends like you when I was a kid. Bon voyage!

polish chick said...

you are all so dear to me, as cheesy as that may sound. all these things happen and continue to happen but sometimes it just becomes too much. must focus on the small warm joys, as zhoen said today.