since we received our shipping out date (11 january! that's in, like, 5 minutes, y'all!), i've been vociferously vacillating between a sense of excitement and a sense of dread. the end result is a sort of floaty numbness that's making it possible for me to get (some) shit done, i suppose.
the fact that my fabulous roommate and his wife will be our neighbours is wonderful. the many places we can see and do in the area is fantastic. the barbecued animal bits that make up a large part of local cuisine, along with real mexican food, cajun, crawfish, and nearby seafood is the bomb. as is the warmth. and the greenery.
but then there's the other side. when i think that d and crusty juggler are moving back to edmonton this summer, that sanity salad is even now looking for work here, that all my people are here, nearby, walking distance mostly! well, then the sadness hits. or not sadness. i don't even know what to call it because i think it's an emotion currently mediated by medication and shock, so it's more of a wide-eyed bewilderment.
and then i think: life! it's an adventure! let's be adventurous! and see new things! and i'm fine.
and then i think: life! it's all about your friends and family! and you're leaving them behind! and i'm not fine.
i suppose given my commitment to trying to work with rather than against reality, the fact that mr. monkey has to move there means that if anything, it's the positive side that i tend to focus on. why dwell on the sadness of something i cannot change? after all, they will visit, those lovelies; i know they will. many have visited us before as we made our nomadic way around north america, and they will do it again. but every once in a while, it just hits me and i sit there for a bit, feeling slightly shellshocked and confused.
at this point, i just want it to move forward. get this highly inconvenient poland trip out of the way, enjoy my days in amsterdam, come home, visit with d and crusty over the holidays, and relax into the sweetness of my life here, and then move and try to create a sweetness over there. it will be a different flavour, but i know that it can be done. and it will be an adventure!