24 August, 2015


feeling once again lightly buffeted by hormonal storms, more and more resentful of this whole once-a-month emotional shit show. up and down, and up and down, and up and down again, every month (or near enough as makes no difference) the same old thing - depression in miniature: wee little tendrils of darkness; doll size bouts of misery; diminutive doldrums. ugh. i can embrace the goddess /feminine mystique all i want, but in the end i'm fucking sick and tired of having my emotional wellbeing dictated to me by the particular hormonal cocktail coursing through my bloodstream on a monthly basis.

things i'm doing to make things worse:

  • blogging and pinteresting when i should be packing for my short camping trip, which makes me feel overwhelmed and gross, which in turn pushes me further into the arms of the interwebs to distract myself from these feelings, when what i really should do is just get the hell off the laptop, shower, pack, do what needs doing already. 

things i'm doing to make things better:

  • using a calendar to track all the small and large things that i am doing. i used to live by my paper calendars but since i stopped buying them, i stopped writing things down, which causes anxiety - what do i have to do?! did i forget an appointment? what's happening when?! i'm now relearning that useful habit but in virtual format.
  • getting rid of clothes. many, many, many clothes. i don't know why getting rid of things always feels so damn good, but it does.
  • forging a (very slow) path towards greater minimalism in all areas of my life
  • trying to figure out how to minimalise my social life - that's a tough one, balancing my deep deep need for solitude and quiet with my equally deep need for connection.
  • continuing to see my bananologist.
  • giving myself a deadline to be lazy until after labour day (apt, no?) when i plan to get my shit together. (edit: i went back and removed the particulars of me getting my shit together because science, and who am i to argue with science?)

what are you doing that makes things better or worse? lessons to share?
and yes, i am now getting off the laptop and going to take a shower. 


Zhoen said...

I have heard that telling other people what you plan to do can backfire badly. You get the satisfaction of the Plan, then lose some of the energy you need to get started. I've noticed the tendency in myself, so I try to keep from sharing until after I've started.

Taking a break until the holiday, though, makes great sense. You need some mental time without guilt to have a genuine vacation. Damn, I want one now.

Fresca said...

I am watching baby rhino videos/gifs.
Truly, silly animal videos melt my bad moods.
This one is my favorite: a young rhino frolics (tries to hop!) with a goat:

Tom said...

I really don't have a lesson to share.....for obvious reasons. If commiserations are any help, you have those a-plenty.

Geneviève Goggin said...

Re: Zhoen's comment: I always thought it was better to state your goals so that you would feel pressured to be accountable, but in fact our silly brain seems to do the opposite. Now I'm trying (and often failing) to delay telling.

As for the problem of the female curse, I have a suggestion which I'll send in a personal message. I think it's rather unfair that we have to suffer so when we don't even need the function of our reproductive system.

Zhoen said...

On the other hand, the hormones protect our hearts and connective tissues, possibly also our immune systems. Buggerit.

polish chick said...

ok, ok, i took my goals off the post. heaven forbid i sabotage myself. i do that easily enough without any additional obstacles to place in my way.