last night, after much back and forth'ing, toing and froing, fixing and refixing, promising not to reread and then promptly rereading, burning DVDs and then having to reburn them on account of all the revisiting of documents, i finally finished compiling, synthesising, and polishing my group's final project. i was supposed to be done by late afternoon. the last DVD got burned well after 10. i blame television (well, what?! all work and no play and yadda yadda), and my ridiculously tenacious perfectionism. and i can hardly blame myself when on the last rereading (the one i wasn't supposed to let myself do), i found a rather glaring mistake that could have cost us marks, not to mention a whole host of decidedly non-glaring mistakes that would have cost me peace of mind. but lo, it was done and i spent the next hour diddling around the interwebs chuckling quietly at the vague sense of guilt that kept trying to sneak in but which i kept at bay via judicious applications of reality.
this morning i woke up way too early as is my wont of late, and putzed around on the interwebs some more: it has become a habit to crawl downstairs, blearily open up the laptop, park my arse on the arse-shaped chair i have been occupying lo, these past two years, and begin work… except: no work. sure, i could sabotage my peace of mind by opening up the report yet again, and tweaking some glaringly obvious misuses of a semicolon that has miraculously escaped my attention last night, but that way madness lies.
i packed up my stuff, took a shower, made myself a protein smoothie, polished the stainless steel appliances for mfr who is getting the place listed and photographed today, and then, halfway down the stairs it hit me: i'm free! i'm done. it's over. AND i have a job. and also? it's over. and i'm free. and did i mention the fact that i'm done school? no? because hey! guess what?! i'm done school! forever, if i'm so inclined, though forever is a mighty long time as the minstrels say, and i still have a date with amsterdam linked with academia, so who knows…
but yeah, for a longish moment there i felt light and loose like a soap bubble, a butterfly, a balloon, or another light ephemeral item floating prettily through the air. free!
even this morning's migraine that i have no way of dealing with (all my industrial strength meds had been packed up and taken to edmonton last weekend: how handy! how efficient!) can't dampen my spirits. my spirits! they are undampable! undampenable? undampacious!!!
today, i go one last time to the hallowed halls of the place that has made me laugh, cry, kick things, swear (more than is typical), cry, weep, clench my teeth in frustration, cry, and all sorts of other feelings and actions like crying.* i shall remove my painter's-tape'd name off my locker. i shall take my monster lunch-pack filled with crayons and felts (do y'all remember how scared i was of the colouring? ha!). i shall pack up the bits of odd-shaped plexi that the architects leave all over the place that makes fantastic found art. i shall boil water for my tea in the shitty kitchen kettle one last time. i shall drop off my report DVDs to the best prof ever to grace these halls (he's getting DVDs that look like mixtapes, on account of my penchant for defacing every DVD or CD or whatnot that comes within the range of my sharpie). then i shall go and watch a final presentation by the second half of our class. then i shall go for drinks with whomever is interested. and then… well, y'all don't need to know my whole itinerary, but i will be in poland by friday.
it is done.
*the crying was mainly first semester. but hell, there was SO much of it! so very very much!