12 January, 2014

mad writes rhymes

i am going to go out on a limb here and say that this is likely the only ode to fort mcmurray ever written. i could be wrong, but hey, i could be right. i went back into the past and brought it forth for your enjoyment. wherever you live, it's likely not as bad as this.

here it is, for the linkedly-challenged:

ode to fort mcmurray (2007)

oh fort mcmurray
you strip me naked
remove the sleek hypocrisy of civilisation
reveal the killer within:

i want to clean dried idiot blood
from under my fingernails
with a hunting knife
dulled from much use

oh swirling vortex of dumb
oh mass exodus of the human lemming
leaving your hell hole
for a weekend of puking off whyte avenue
painting my hometown
the colour of your cheap digested beer

oh you, with your macdonald's bags
tossed out the window of your speeding truck
with far too many wheels
and too few brain cells

oh fort mcmurray
you make me ask the question
that man has asked for countless years:
how many skidoos does one person need?

oh backward baseball capped and gold be-chained
oh toothless and uncombed
oh smelly and unwashed
your crusty pants besmirching the already oily breeze
why do you not go home?
the sea calls you
does it not leave a number?
go home
and let me go home too


Zhoen said...

Yeah, yeah, I can see this, all too clearly.

polish chick said...

just a little reminder of what i left behind, so i can appreciate all the better what i have now.

Geneviève Goggin said...

What a cesspool. I'm also glad you don't live there.