09 December, 2013

the eye of the storm, the spleen of the typhoon

more anger. this morning i was livid, angry in that deep visceral almost-physical way at anything and everything* that spilled onto all topics that had the misfortune to present themselves to me. here i was, standing in the middle of the room, swinging that sharp axe around - best not approach, and if at all, then with extreme caution.

oddly enough, presenting our final project this morning calmed the beast. my, but i do adore speaking in public, and answering difficult questions raises the enjoyment to greater heights still. afterwards, full to the brim of muffins, fruit and other pastries that were brought out, we worked on another final project that we will present tomorrow. that and a final exam on thursday will bring this semester to a close. good thing, too, or i'd be likely to get violent… or at least engage in fantasizing about being violent to the point of complete moral turpitude. i think i am very much ready for a day of rum-spiked eggnog and decorating the tree followed by several days of tossing the second hand babies into the air and tickling their ticklish bits. yup, time for this to be over. and time for me to get over certain things. i mean, really!

*complete and utter falsehood. i know precisely who i am angry at and why. double the anger for my continued lack of patience with myself for allowing this individual to chip away at my peace of mind.


Zhoen said...

Can you imagine this person as a ridiculous character? A muppet, or clown? Laughing at the people we allow to torment us, can be powerful medicine.

I can't see my boss without imagining her as Big Bird, at his most confused.

polish chick said...

that's a very good idea, but i don't know if i would be very good at implementing it. the problem, you see, is that as much as this person figures prominently in my mind, i am probably long lost and forgotten, and so the problem is entirely mine. if anything, i'd imagine myself as a muppet, but that doesn't seem to do much.

nevertheless, i shall try. thank you.

Geneviève Goggin said...

May the eggnog and babies chase away the muppets in your head. Although you know this and it's probably not helpful, you are only making yourself suffer by giving this person air time. I'm going through something similar though probably way less important. She has no clue I'm annoyed and yet it's taking a disproportionate amount of energy on my part. Silly, silly brains.

polish chick said...

oh, this is hardly "important" and if it is it's only because i do give it air time…in my head. then again, all the important things happen in my head, so it's no surprise.

there's also a really odd atmosphere of anger and frustration at school which really doesn't help, so there's that…

by friday i shall be holding a small giggling person in my lap, and all will be good. thanks for the support!

Geneviève Goggin said...

That's just days away! Keep your eye on the prize. Giggling children are a good prize. Let's catch up before the new year.