12 December, 2013

percocet pizza

and the lord spake unto me with a voice like the trumpeting of… trumpets, and told me that, yea verily, some studying needed to be done this morn. and lo, i listened unto the lord and i sat and my laptop opened up before me like the ten commandments that moses brought from the mountain (except horizontal-like). and there, on the silver tablets, sat words. words and numbers. sometimes even badly drawn diagrams. often, no sense could be made. and i know you don't believe me because you might have figgered out by now that i am prone to ever so slight exaggeration, but not this time. nope. for instance, this nice man lectured us multiple times about…well, not quite sure. leadership skillz, mebbe? a lot of dr. phil type drivel. encouraging the heart. communicating. active listening. and very very poor graphics. no, really! look! title vis-a-vis content! hilarious! there's neither organization nor constraint!

anyone who can explain this to me wins a slightly used but still relatively shiny whatsit. i think drugs might have been involved in the creation of the graphics. they are joyous and festive, though, non? just in time for the season! yay! colours! many many colours! look at all the colours! wheeee!

so lo, i sate down and studied some more. my eyes they did doth (huh?) glaze over, but on i read. and lo, this is what i found:

now this one, well, we became old friends because every time the speaker came to lecture (too many times, oh lord, too many times), at some point in his power point this would make an appearance. none of us, not a single solitary one, could figure out why in the name of all that is good and holy the numbers are aligned in this way. and what the symbols mean. perhaps it's some sort of aztec thing. or maybe early assyrian. no clue. if you understand cuneiform, maybe you can let me know in the comments section.

so yeah, i glazedly gazed over the ghastliness of our notes, picked out the bits that made some kind of sense, had mfr explain certain complicated project-funding matters that he made surprisingly simple, and then made my way schoolward.

the exam was fairly fair (words. hard.) and i wrote it with gleeful abandon until brought to a shuddering halt by question 49 (QUESTION 49!!! those words did later ring forth through the beer halls of the university as my fellow classmates straggled in bleary-eyed muttering under their breath, "qqquuestionnn 49…", twitching convulsively with the number on their parched and trembling lips).

i shall admit that on first reading question 49 made me want to run screaming from the room. but it was worth 50% of the exam which was worth 40% of our final mark and so i talked gently but firmly to myself, loosened my grip on my pencil and did the best i could and then it was over.

beer with classmates. bus home. fight with mother on the phone. dexter on tv with roommate. too much pizza with said roommate. and now blogging with impunity (as opposed to all the blogging with punity* that i'd been engaging in for the past few weeks).

tomorrow i drive north with crusty juggler and there we shall remain until the year turns, feasting and merrymaking with friends and family.

*down with punity! down, i say!


Tom said...

A thoroughly entertaining post. I fear I cannot help you out as I too am unversed in Aztec or Early Assyrian. Come to that, I'm no expert on psychedelic diagrams either.

So the great commitment draws to a close, crowned one trusts with a successful examination result. Travel safely on your way north.

Lucy said...

I remember and abundance of scribbled, cats' cradle, nonsensical diagrams from some of the tutors on my postgrad teaching course. In those days there wasn't even the software to make them pretty. Just because one or two people of stratospheric mental powers found it helpful or interesting to express themselves in graphic terms based on no established code or language, every lazy minded bugger in any old (in)discipline seems to think they've got the right. Well, it ain't big and it ain't clever, Richard Feynman you ain't, sunshine. That's what I say anyway.

Have a safe trip and a wonderful time!

Geneviève Goggin said...

Those diagrams are rediculous. I can't believe you have people lecturing at the masters level who present that kind low quality crap. Visuals are supposed to help...well, visualize not cause seizures.

Zhoen said...

I have to chalk it up to the Peter Principle.

I had similar issues with the concept of "Nursing Diagnosis." All squishy and useless, the kind of empathy that can't be taught, but oh, they try, even though they don't have it themselves. And never used in real life, either.