01 October, 2013

"the one"

i would apologize for the darkness of the last post, but i suppose it's all part of the journey, blah blah blah, and so on, not to start sounding like a crystal-wearing head case, though even they can be right about certain things.

it's amazing how many insights start pouring in once you open yourself to learning things about yourself and others and the world. it's also amazing how many things are interconnected: how many feelings and ideas and aches and pains we all share. once you open up that document called "epiphanies" barely a day goes by that you don't throw something in it. small things, mostly, but small things can add up to large.

and so i come back to the crossroads analogy of several posts ago. indulge me for a minute (oh lord, like you haven't been doing exactly that for, like, ever!). i have always despised the idea of "the one" in love. as in, "i met him and i'm sure he's 'the one'" because it narrows the focus of our lives so much, and puts ridiculous pressure on relationships. i think relationships can feel right, or righter, or all manner of wrong, but i am firmly and staunchly opposed to the idea of there being one perfect person for each of us. it's patently ridiculous.

last night, a friend made me realise that what i've been looking for is "the one" answer, and in answers, in choices, in roads, just like in love, it's ridiculous to expect to find "the one." hit me like a tonne of bricks, it did. and eased off the pressure tremendously. you can decide one thing and it can be the right decision for the moment, she said, and then later, you can change your mind. small words, big impact.

and so here i am, not at a crossroads at all, but at one of those insane intersections with no particular direction and all the time in the world to go here, or there, or hell, maybe even turn around and start from scratch. and no, the idea of an insane intersection doesn't exactly inspire a sense of peace and well being, but the fact that i am under no deadline does.

this friend and i have been talking a lot lately, writing a lot lately, learning so much lately, about each other, about ourselves, about life and stuff. it's not an easy journey, but it sure is nice to have someone there who will listen to you cry, someone with whom no judgment enters the conversation. and although you have only been there in the ether, i must say, my little poultries, having you along for the ride has also brought a tremendous sense of comfort. and for that i thank you.


Zhoen said...

No journey worth taking is easy.

polish chick said...

yes, but one hopes it will be. always.

Tom said...

Yes, I agree that there cannot be an "only one" for anyone, very largely because we do not remain the same person from hour to hour (ego-wise!), let alone for many a year. But neither do I believe in a notion of "one for the time being." In my experience - rather limited maybe - there is an in-between path where two people can grow together, and it is that journey rather than the arrival that is important. Sometimes of course the journey does become destructive. Then decisions need to be considered.

polish chick said...

ah, tom, but when it comes to "the one for the time being" i was talking about decision-making, not love.

i'm not sure where i stand on the question of love in the long term, but i know that if i let myself relax a little about "the one" direction i want my life to go, it'll go a long way towards restoring a wee bit of my much missed sanity.