one of my odder character weaknesses is my propensity to look for signs. it is something i have fought every step of the way, and have come close to eradicating. i am tempted, always, to look for the presence or absence of certain things as a sign of something of import. in my religious younger days i looked to god to provide the signs, and i suspect that it was partly his utter failure to do so that contributed to the demise of our relationship. the signs can be external (“if i see the sun in the next minute, it will mean that…”) or internal (“i have a strong feeling that…”). the former is plain ridiculous, while the latter patently dangerous. after all, feelings change; a shift in weather patterns can bring on the subtle kind of gloom that portends all kinds of evil.
as a result, i have had to teach myself over and over again that the heart cannot tell the future, but it can certainly tell the present, if only one takes the time to listen.