it has been a damnably long time since i've done anything resembling my usual blogging thing... wait, do i even have a usual blogging thing? hm, no idea. still, so much melodrama, so much angst, so much fucking misery, i think it's time to come up with some sort of list-like thing that will take my mind off my mind, and take your mind off my mind, and then we can all just go bananas and it'll be like old times. ok? everyone! take off your pants and go jump in the pool!!! oh yeah!
list of things that are like other things but unlike other other things, if you know what i mean, and i think you don't, because i sure as hell have no clue what it is i'm blathering on about, but if THAT ain't my usual modus operandi, i don't know what is:
1. retroactive wisdom is a serious temporal fuck-up. i mean, what is the point of 20/20 hindsight? and don't tell me that the point is to learn lessons for the future because who even does that? do i? do you? does anyone you know (other than those boring people who wear bedazzled cat sweatshirts and make bland casseroles with canned soup and are painfully earnest)? see? exactly!
2. what is up with me suddenly turning into sporty spice and climbing hills (even actively looking for hills to climb! seriously! WTF?!) and running? i mean, if you're gonna have a nervous breakdown/midlife crisis, isn't the customary thing to buy a red corvette and a cabana boy and new breasts*, not necessarily in that order? but nooo, this one, she starts to run and do yoga. just plain weird, if you ask me, and i think you are asking me, or at least you're here and reading this which is just like asking me. only without the asking.
*seriously, though, i am perfectly happy with mine. if i were to go under the knife, it would be to get a cat tail implanted, because that's some cool shit.
3. i am entering year 2 of my master's program and lo, it is slow going and such. i actually want things to get busy and fast-paced and stressful so i have less time to sit around and think, OHMYGOD OHMYGOD what the FUCK is going on here**?!?!?, which i think clearly sums up the thought processes of the last few weeks (and, if i'm being honest, months, but for that one must dig deep into the dusty recesses of my subconscious, and who the hell wants to do that? other than a trained professional, that is. one sort of exactly kind of like this, i think.) watch me come to this interwebbelicious forum in the next month or so and bitch, with a tearful quiver in my voice, that i am so very tired of school... though that is unlikely as i only have 3 courses this semester, instead of the 5 i had last semester. but you know, i might. i just might. watch me!
**in my head.
4. and what's with all the blogging? always with the blogging, lately. i mean, i've sat in almost complete radio silence through my unbelievably awesome summer, and now, all of a sudden, it's all blogging all the time. must i really be miserable to blog? if i were you, i'd be more than a little pissed, because i'm obviously the opposite of a fair-weather friend: i am a foul-weather blogger, and how fair is that to you, my poultries? i'm sure you wanna know all the rainbow-flavoured sparkly shit that i live through, not just the goth-flavoured*** dark and as filled with pathos as...um...something that is filled with something else to bursting...shit.
***what would that be, i wonder? razor-studded candy apple wrapped in barbed wire? bitter chocolate cake with ennui icing? help me out! ideas?
5. hey! i never said this was gonna be easy! feel free to leave whenever you feel like it, but wait for a break between the numbers, and do close the door quietly on the way out. thanks.
6. which reminds me of the time when i was quietly whining to myself (ah, the good old days before i had an audience for my whining!) about how something or other was really hard or sad or whatnot, and in my head, in my whiny voice i said "i didn't sign up for this hard life" and then i just had to laugh, because a. yeah, my life is SO hard. poor little rich white girl, with her overwhelming first world problems and b. jesus! does anyone? it's like cake or death all over again. i mean, please, girlfriend!
7. so here we are, we made it to number 7, well done, well done. how does it feel? ok? a little tired? confused? hungry? no? shall we keep going then? yes? no? oh? you want me to decide? typical!
8. which is not a number i'm particularly fond of, as i keep mentioning whenever my synesthesia acts up, because it is lumpy and greyish and feels vaguely like a sausage that's been languishing somewhere that a sausage ought not to languish, like under the sofa, or in the corner of a mudroom.
9. i was gonna be serious for a moment, but then remembered my implied promise to keep it light and so i erased a whole entire sentence. i do hope you appreciate the sacrifice, as it was a very good sentence. flawlessly crafted, witty, insightful, incisive and such. (lies. all lies.)
10. so this afternoon i'm going to some sort of hors d'oeuvre-laden, hopefully free wine-swilling soiree that celebrates this and last year's award recipients and introduces them to the award donors, thus enabling what the industry charmingly calls "networking," a concept that makes me throw up a little in my mouth, despite the fact that i'm damn good at it on my extroverted days (though terrible on my introverted days when i can be found in the corner on my fourth glass of free wine trying really hard not to catch anyone's eye, other than the waiter with the tray of those delicious salmon pate canapés). so yeah. that'll be fun.
11. (because i refuse to end on a round number even though not doing so aggravates my slight but adorable OCD tendencies (go ahead! ask me about how when i buy gas i always need fill up to a round number! no, really, go ahead and ask!)) no idea. but, um, yeah. this'll be it. in a nutshell. though they never do specify what kind of nut, exactly, do they? i mean, there's a real variety to choose from, innit?