who thought she was going bananas
she went for a run
thinking it would be fun
wearing nothing but turquoise pyjamas
but you know pyjamas are comfortable, turquoise is an optimistic colour, running is good for the body and soul, and so in the end i think a full blown crisis was averted. also, i am not now, nor have i ever been to or from the bahamas. any similarities to real persons or places are purely coincidental.
general mental health update, now in easily digestible pastilles:
- lows getting far more manageable and decreasing in both frequency and duration
- highs getting higher and sweeter (but not like creepy manic or whatnot... except for that one time, but i blame that really good song)
- whole chunks of days pass with me feeling like.. i dunno... myself, i s'pose. in the best sense.
- chunks and flakes and bits of epiphanies continue to pile up (i even started writing them down, so as not to lose them in the blizzard)
- crying is being kept to a minimum
- learning lots and lots about what makes me tick (there's a whole complicated clockwork in there! who knew?! well... i sort of had a hunch.)
- still grossly unmotivated in the school department, but i have discovered (or rediscovered) a coping mechanism, wherein i approach even individual assignments as group work, bring my peeps together, and thusly force myself to do work, in public, in plain sight, keeping me on the straight and narrow
- learning to embrace the good days, use them as breathers for the bad, and staying ever hopeful that there is a solution on the horizon, because that is my default setting (hopeful)
- attempting to be kind to myself, and gods know, that can be so damn hard - the things i say to myself (or, more accurately, think at myself) are things i would never ever say to another person; this is getting marginally easier with the help of some really special friends
- attempting to embrace who i am (oh lord, this is such an ongoing slog! at my age i ought to rock this shit!) - yes, i am someone who is emotional, open, and who continues to make herself vulnerable to situations that can wound, but the alternative is to close myself off, build a tough exoskeleton, and become guarded, and even if i wanted to be that person (which i don't), i don't know if i could do it. previous point notwithstanding, i quite like myself as i am and am lucky enough to be surrounded by people who seem to feel the same, so that option just isn't particularly viable
- running might not be the panacea that committed runners and psycholologists make it out to be, but holy shitsnacks, it is certainly a damn good thing!
and thus ends another episode of "welcome to my mind." stay tuned for next week's episode, where i use a numbered list. or write a haiku. or perhaps perform an emotionally riveting interpretive dance to the tune of something serious.