21 February, 2012

joke stolen from my father's facebook wall, translated swiftly and shared joyfully

 -george, why so glum?
- you haven't heard? fred's dead!
- what?! really?! how?!
- the day before yesterday, he came home, had a stiff drink, lied down and lit a fag and the bedding caught fire...
- he burned to death!?
- no, he had time to open the window and jump out...
- and he smashed to death?
- no. he had called the fire department and they pulled out a rubber jump net and he jumped into it.
- and it broke?
- no... he somehow bounced back and flew back into his house...
- and he burned to death!
- no! he bounced off the window frame and fell...
- onto the sidewalk?
- no! the firetruck was covered with a tarp. he hit the tarp, bounced off and flew back through the window.
- and died?
- no... he fell, bounced off the jump net again and fell back into the apartment!
- you're fucking joking! so how did fred die?
- they shot him: he was starting to piss them off....

12 February, 2012

mad mad men

we were watching mad men last night, an episode where don draper says a rather curt goodbye to yet another mistress and we got to talking about our personal favourites. mine's joy, i don't know why, but there's something rather charming about her. mr. monkey was really taken with suzanne and could not understand don draper breaking up with her over the phone.

mr. monkey: i don't know, if it was me i'd go over there. i'd do it in person. i'd give her some money,  i'd say "please...please...go buy yourself some cake."

which, i'm certain, would fix everything.

06 February, 2012

animal, vegetable or mineral

tonight on the LRT:

mr. monkey (looking out the window of the train): hm, is she walking with a child or a dog?

moi: well, that depends: is it on a leash or in a stroller?

02 February, 2012

cold and alone in the night (in theory)

i am a member of the condo board in my building and tonight we had our monthly meeting. the meeting took 3 hours (we were discussing the various kinds of stupidity that cause people to flood things, but that's besides the point) (yes, there's a point) (wait for it). i got home and found mr. monkey fast asleep, clutching my cell phone. when i went in to give him a kiss, he sleepily handed it to me, all toasty warm:

moi: why are you sleeping with my phone?

mr. monkey: it was ringing. and i got scared: i thought you couldn't get into the building.

moi: why didn't you answer it?

mr. monkey: i forgot. i fell asleep.

moi: so i'm still standing out there? cold and alone?

mr. monkey: don't worry, i'll get you in the morning.