30 September, 2012

so you wanna go to grad school...

today, in the car with my roommate:

t: i find the idea of scratch-and-sniff urban planning revolting.

and rightly so.

in related news, less than a month of school has passed and i have managed to have a full blown emotional breakdown (brought on by yoga), chronic stress-related insomnia, an A+ (no big deal, it was an off-the-cuff essay and i have always had a way with rhetorical flourishes),  daily several moments of almost giving it all up, multiple pep talks (to self), several episodes of weeping, one sustained episode featuring snot-bubbles and uncontrollable sobbing, more pep talks (to others), lots of inexplicable gas, an increasingly nostalgic view of the dental profession (when i had weekends! and went to bed early! and worked 8h/day) and a schedule the likes of which i have never experienced in my life before.

3 projects are due this week. an essay was also due on friday, but the merciful heavens softened the hard heart of an academic and he moved it to tuesday next week.

i no longer know what day of the week it is because a wednesday only differs from a sunday in the greater flexibility of the time i show up at school on a sunday.

i am at school from 9 till 7, and then work at home till midnight.

i am unhappy, lonely, chronically tired, bloated, confused, and sometimes angry.

i am drinking far too much... tea.

1 month down, 7 more to go. and then i get to do it once more.


but, you know, it's not bad.


Tom said...

Dear Polish Chick,

It is clear that you are going through a difficult and testing time. I suspect that this will be the worst part of this experience, and the best is yet to be.

From your blog posts it is obvious that you have the strength and courage to face this challenge and come through successfully. I doubt that the dentistry profession will have significantly improved whilst you've been away. On the other hand I believe you will have grown from your recent trials.

Taking it a little step at a time, and climbing these rocks one at a time will eventually see you scaling this mountain. Wishing you well with the certainty that you can make it.

the polish chick said...

tom, thank you. really.

Anonymous said...

Nie poddawaj się! Oh, I wish I had your determination/courage/will to act! This bad time shall pass and it will be great when you get there. Sending positive vibrations your way. Lucy

Lucy said...

Oh poor darling it does sound wretched! I can only hope it improves, and that they're coming down hard on you at first then it'll ease. When I did my postgrad teaching course, it started off all fun and breezy, and we were lulled into a false sense of security, then by the end quite a number of us were traumatized and exhausted, myself included.

And if it doesn't get better then at least you'll perhaps have built up a bit of stamina for it... And there will be some nice long holidays in the middle. That nostalgia for the easy time you remember before is familiar, you just have to get through it I suppose. Doesn't sound as if going back would be a very satisfactory option.

Anyway, no more pep-talks, I'm sure you've had enough of those. Just lots of virtual tea and sympathy, those snot bubbles really are the pits aren't they?

Cthulku said...

Whaadaya mean?! The gas is entirely explicable.

Let's just say that spending too much time around me if I'm badly stressed is far easier if you have an olfactory disorder. The main emotional gut feeling that I've ever gotten was "oh shit, I need a toilet now!!"

Geneviève Goggin said...

Hang in there darlin'! School is one of the hardest things you will do in life. Sending you lots of love.