05 May, 2012

hey, it's cinco the mayo, which, as everybody knows, is the day for lists, and so here is one (a list):

things i like:

1. you, but not if you drive like an idiot and force me to pound on the horn and call you a fucking cunt, since i really resent it when i revert to using the female genitalia as an insult because, we all know, the cunt is a wonderful thing - it brings forth life and pleasure, and is incredibly resilient and flexible, unlike, say, the ballsack which is a much more proper insult but, sadly, does not roll off the tongue in moments of stress.

2. beer at parties. yes. you heard me. i think beer will henceforth be my liquid drug of choice on account of me not liking it that much (oooh! self-contradiction! lack of internal logic! so sue me, motherfuckers!). also, it gives me a nice reliable light high that does not degenerate into memory-loss and incoherence (or so i think) like wine tends to do. and also there's the whole lack of stomach acids burning holes into my esophageal bits. oh wine, i miss you, but i think we ought to just be friends for now.

3. potluck on our mandatory one working saturday a month (incidentally, the ONLY thing i like about our mandatory one working saturday a month). today good boss (as opposed to evil boss who brought fuck all last month) brought pear slices slathered with chevre and crunchy rounds of grilled capicola sprinkled with wonderful mystery herbs.

4. tulips

5. the shy green buds peeking from branches all over. i know, i know, the vast majority of you have already managed to get tired of all the green but here, in the arctic circle, we still know what longing is, since we spend so much of our bloody lives longing for good weather and green and growing things.

6. our condo, which embraces me and makes me happy and calm and all. i also have a beautiful floor, which i never fail to admire as i'm doing the downward dog in my morning sun salutation, because i am a. getting old and decrepit and want to forestall complete fragility and b. an annoying example of those people, you know the ones i mean.

7. chevre with pomegranate-habanero jelly

8. alone time

9. save-on-foods tuxedo cake (i will not tell you how much of a slab i recently ate, but let's just set it down, black on white, for my future self - JUST BECAUSE IT'S 40% OFF DOESN'T MEAN IT HAS NO CALORIES!!! jesus!)


things i don't like:


1. people who drive like idiots (see above).

2. our mandatory one working saturday a month which, if rumours are true, and that's the only thing we seem to be given at work these days - rumours, might be extending to two saturdays a month, because hey, it's summer, and the only thing better than having your weekends off in the summer is working like a fucking mule because your evil boss is a money hungry bastard. still, if they ask me (or, more likely, tell me) to work one more saturday, i'll just drop my grad school bomb on them and tell them they can kiss my posterior regions. booyah!

3. mister monkey's weird disappearing act (8. above notwithstanding) wherein he tells me he'll follow me home and then is gone for an hour to an undisclosed location. i suppose until he starts coming home with track marks, smelling of cheap perfume with lipstick on his underwear i'll just choose to let it go. but if all those things happen, we'll have to have a chat. and a serious one at that.

4. dust bunnies. oh the dust bunnies!

5. beer without a party. it just tastes... i don't know, not like wine?

1 comment:

Geneviève said...

I agree with most of the above, except of course the bit about the beer, As you know, I think the stuff tastes like horse piss. Not that I would actually know what that tastes like, but I do have an imagination.

And the tulips are putting on a spectacular show at the moment. Actually, they're getting to be past their prime so I should get out there and take a few photos.