10 June, 2011

and now, for something completely different

i have been absent not merely because of sad adult drudgery. oh no! also, there was a lovely visit from crusty juggler, who left the stunning natural beauty of vancouver in order to come visit me, have the car window explode upon her head en route from the airport, help me iron things, hem things, teach me to make salad rolls and also vacuum my floor. for fun, we sat on the balcony and drank vast quantities of campari and tonic, because we're ladies and these are ladies' drinks. we walked and talked and had a fabulous time - an easy guest is a thing of beauty and take my word for it, you can invite crusty juggler to your house any time!

whilst relaxing on the chesterfield with our lap-sized computational machines one evening:

crusty juggler: it says here that these shelves are 16" long. do you have one of those measuring things about the house?
moi: yeah, i can never visualise measurements either. mr. monkey! can you please show crusty juggler what 16" looks like?
mr. monkey (blushing furiously): ...
crusty juggler: well, you are a lucky girl!

there followed a bawdy exchange the likes of which i would not put down upon these here pages, since, as previously mentioned, i'm a lady and shit.


Lucy said...

Hee hee hee!

My brother was driving a taxi minibus in Gloucestershire one winter night for a bunch of girls out on the town. It was beginning to snow, quite early in the season, and one of them said 'We might get as much as three inches tonight', and my bro said it was in his mind to reply 'Well if that's enough to impress you I'll stick around...'

However he was too much of a gent and forbore.

the polish chick said...

lucy, that is funny. i suspect had he said that, he might have had a real chance, as every girl knows that a wicked sense of humour adds at least 4 inches to a man's endowments!

crusty juggler said...

Vacuuming? You kept me so replete with your liquors I thought I was dancing with a very thin gentleman.

You girls and your "inches"! As a Lady I believe too many inches would be indelicate.

Alison Cross said...

16"? Is Mr Monkey also known as Vlad The Impaler?

crustyjuggler - too many inches is WAY more than indelicate, it's a SHISH-KEBAB ;-)

Ali x

the polish chick said...

ali, i meant for him to use his manly understanding of distances and shit, and to show cj what 16" looks like USING HIS HANDS and nothing but his hands. sheesh! i'd be walking around with sore bits otherwise. very very sore bits.