02 April, 2011

blerkydablerk (drnk posts!!! yaar!)

hi. it's been far too long. what has been getting in the way is my ego. oh yes, my little pathetic ego. more and more, as i get older, i think of myself thusly: here is a girl (woman? i don't think of myself as a woman because that seems ridiculously old, but girl, i am told is possibly seen as somehow pejorative or whatnot even though i think of myself as a girl and in the best possible way, what? am i not 20 anymore? when did that happen? bastards!) who could have been so many things and who isn't necessarily sad about losing out on the being of (say) the editor of the new york times or some such shit (because, really, how much happier would i have been as the editor of the new york times? maybe a million times more, or maybe not at all, or maybe much much sadder what with the new work dating scene and all) but who is a little pissed off about the whole urban planning thing not really being on the radar during her impressionable schooling years which resulted in her going into something so ridiculously pragmatic and uninspired like the whole teeth cleaning bullshit and the problem isn't so much the cleaning of teeth (because, admit it, it is fucking NICE to have clean teeth, come on! ADMIT IT!) but the problem is finding something you are good at and interested in and i think that i am really really interested in is urban planning and i can read about bylaws and zonings and all manner of boring dull things pertaining to this and actually remain alert and i am almost forty and it's better to discover something you like late rather than never but hot damn, it sure would have been nice to have spent the last 15 years banging my head against municipal bylaws rather than teeth for rather obvious reasons.

and that's what i think when i'm drunk.

also, what i think, when i have been consuming wine in the presence of my family, is that it is goddamn nice to be sitting around up the stairs from a sleeping cool baby (who could be anything one day, even a kick-ass urban planner or the editor of the new york times!) and talk about the two world wars and the appeasement policy prior to WW2 and the whole african question with people i really really love and that it more than makes up for the supremely shitty weather of this place we are now (again) calling home. it also helps that my cousin is now making absolutely incredible bread and is offering lots to us merely because we share some genes. yay!

am i making sense? am i going to delete this tomorrow? who knows!?

4 comments:

Zhoen said...

Just punctuate it a bit, it'll be fine.

I link the term "girl" up there with the principal calling us "children." I didn't immediately take up "woman" when I rejected the girl label.

Geneviève said...

Better late than never. Now you have to make sure you don't get into the "I'm too old, it's too late" mode and all will be as it should be some day.

Glad you're enjoying being beck in the north pole. At least you got to miss most of the worst winter since 1974.

And yes, (other people's) babies and bread are two of the things that make life worth living. And cheese (or wine for you).

Lucy said...

Well evidently you didn't delete it tomorrow as here I am the day after the day after the day after that and thank goodness it's still here!

Glad you're enjoying the family's bosom; I am a decade in from you, still troubled by the ego thing, still believing in some reflex kind of way that I'm a girl, wondering how it happened I got to nearly 50 without noticing, and wondering if I should have done the things I didn't, though seldom if I shouldn't have done the things I did but that all in all there is still some health in me.

I like clean teeth. And some babies. And I believe in urban planning.

Alison Cross said...

I like your drunken thought flow. Mine is kinda similar. Apart from the bylaw and planning fascination. And the teeth. Although I like nice clean teeth it is true.

Editor of the New York Times is something that I've never aspired to, but I do often wonder whether I should have taken up that place as a journalism student. What would my life be like?

Would I still have ended up here? Literally and metaphorically?

Other people's babies are great.

As Genevieve said, don't fall into the 'too old, too late' pit.

If you enjoy planning regs - find out a way that you can exploit it. Help people with their planning applications maybe? For lots of people it's a minefield.

lotsaluv

Ali x