07 March, 2011

strap on a pig, and let's head for the hills

have you ever visited the sartorialist? it's essentially a blog by a guy (i think it's a guy, from rumours and hints i have picked up through my aimless flâneusey wanderings through the blogosphere (also, i just checked his bio)) who takes pictures of the fashionable folk in their natural habitat. sometimes he posts pictures of actual fashion shows in which, invariably angry teenage models are made to wear kitchen appliances wrapped in purple fur and stick-on eyebrows of blue patent leather (or, better yet, no eyebrows at all, because eyebrows are so circa '83) because, presumably, designers want to see how far they can take this shit before someone stops and says, "now hang on a minute! that looks like rubbish! and it costs more than i make in a year! what the...?" most of the time, however, the pictures are of "real" people if by real you mean the entitled rich bastards who think it beneath them to buy discounted last season's prada purse because it is so last season.

these people are not just rich, though! oh no! they are also dead stylish! they wear yellow tights with teal pumps and a twinkle in their eye. they wear furry hats with earflaps with a versace suit. they drape their bodies with several artfully mismatched oversized sweaters over a vintage urine-splashed tutu with rubber boots. they are hip. you can tell they are hip because they rarely smile. smiling is a dead give-away of being madly unhip. unless, of course, you are smiling ironically, appropriating the technicolour facial expression of mccarthy era united states, all "cocktails before noon" sort of happy hausfrau type of thing, if you know what i mean.

there are women in large sunglasses and very very high heels pretending to get on bicycles, because they are french and nothing stops the french from getting on a bicycle. there are people wearing things six sizes too large just to fuck with your mind. there are women pairing hideous acrylic suits from the 80's with chunky knitted hats to show how daring they are with their fashion choices. there are women in bathrobes heading off to a job in the factory while their men go to war. there are bemused hasidic jews. there are men in suits whose sleeves and pantlegs are too short because some clothing designer ran out of fabric and started a trend that makes everybody out there look like a fucking hobbit. there are even what appear to be to my untutored eyes actual street people.

granted, there are some pretty neat and original looking folks on these pages as well (you can go find them yourself, do i have to do everything around here?), but the thing that gets me (ooh, ooh, tell us the thing! tell us the thing! very well, i shall tell you the thing) is that every post has close to a hundred comments, some more, some fewer, and all of them (well close to 98.74% at last count) are gushing and superlative: "magnificent!", "stellar!" "a brave statement about world poverty and crime using three kinds of plaid and a beanie!", "gorgeous, simply gorgeous!" even when the picture is of someone who apparently removed the insides from a camel, wove a gown out of the remains, dyed it chartreuse, covered it in sequins and wore it with a black fedora and 70's disco roller-skates. i mean, COME ON!

is this a giant joke that the fashion industry is playing on us, aided by the sartorialist and all of the audience is going along with it for fear of being seen as fashion black holes who actually like their sleeves to cover their wrists? or is it the other way? is the fashion industry dead serious? is it the sartorialist who is exposing their idiocy and the audience goes along to be cool? or is it a third way (don't worry, this is my last option, i'm getting sleepy) is it the audience who is engaging in some fairly complex and subtle social critique and all of their "splendid use of corduroy!" comments are really sleekly ironic and darkly condemning of the whole consumerist nature of the whole game? yeah, i didn't think so either, but to see nearly 100 comments of such enthusiastic praise makes me somehow feel that i'm being let down by my audience. come on, you lazy bastards! tell me how awesome i am! to help get you in the mood, i shall end with a gorgeously lit photo of mr. monkey, sporting the latest in orange latex headwear, spring 2011 - it keeps the rain out and makes your hair fall out of your head, and if that ain't fashion, i don't know what is:

thank you.


p.s. yes, i have the sartorialist bookmarked. what can i say? i loves me some fashion!

20 comments:

Country Gent said...

Magnificent.

Country Gent said...

Stellar.

Country Gent said...

Amazing use of colour.

Country Gent said...

Fantastic

Country Gent said...

Love it.

the polish chick said...

now THAT'S what i'm talking about!

Zhoen said...

http://poorlydressed.failblog.org/

the polish chick said...

eek.

Young at Heart said...

careful...you may just start a trend....

Crusty Juggler said...

Such exciting and bold use of tangerine, not to mention a scathing comment about the suffocating convention that we must "see" in order to be stylish/dress ourselves. Also a vibrant tribute to Howie Mandel and the plight of poultry exposed to the perils of cockfighting. Huzzah!

the polish chick said...

oh my god, it's like you were inside my head when i created this thing that is so much more than a mere hat!

Alison Cross said...

I did visit that sartorialist site once and was unnerved to find people photographed who looked like they were Care In The Community or at the very least had dressed themselves in the dark.

I didn't bother visiting twice.

Ali xxxxx

Geneviève said...

The fashion industry is fascinating. They cleverly convince us that we need to buy more shit because last year's shit is so, well last-year. Some days I'd like to get into my Lululemon knock-offs and never wear anything else again.

This is Belgium said...

well said ! very well said indeed !! what a writer you are !
i am just an 'amateur phogographer' trying to send the message via photo's
http://whatisbelgium.blogspot.com

the polish chick said...

hi belgium, welcome, welcome. so it looks like the political woes of your country still haven't been resolved? i'm currently out of a job, perhaps i ought to apply!

This is Belgium said...

we can use all the help we can get !

GlamorousGirl said...

love \!!!!

come and check out my blog on:
http://www.bloglovin.com/en/blog/2187105/glamourgirl
http://glamourgirl-bg.blogspot.com/

the polish chick said...

hi glamorous girl, welcome, welcome.

Blighty said...

I love this post! I have spent too much time looking at The Sartorialist and your comments are so funny and spot on. I particularly liked your bit about the suits with too short sleeves and legs that make everyone look like a hobbit, I know the ones you mean. i'm off to roll up my trouser legs, stick a turban on my head, pile on 40 bracelets, pop on some wellies and jump on a bike..what can i say? some of us just have it..

the polish chick said...

hi blighty, welcome, welcome. your outfit sounds delish!