07 December, 2010

the definitive christmas gift guide 2010

i don't do gifts. i don't like to receive* them, either. but all the bloggers are doing it so i thought to myself, hey! free topic! and that's why, after much forethought and deep meditation, mentation and analysis, as well as some not quite as deep contemplation, deliberation and reflection, i have come up with the Definitive 2010 Christmas Gift Guide:

stuff: guaranteed to make those on your list happy as a pig in shit.

shiny stuff: increases the recipient's satisfaction tenfold (scientifically proven FACT).

put an i in front of it (i-stuff™): you will be their favourite family member for years weeks to come.

blatantly expensive stuff: oh yeah, baby! now you're talking. nookie guaranteed (unless wildly inappropriate.)

regifted stuff: the only kind of stuff i can honestly get behind (i like to call it, "finding a loving home for the monstrosity which makes me weep in the night but brings tears of joy to your eyes") but is likely to have you labelled cheap and/or lazy

i hope this has helped you as much as it has helped me. now get out there, and get yourself a sparkly little smidgeon of happiness while supporting the economy! that's right! why be a minimalist left leaning part of the problem, when you can be a consumerist right thinking part of the solution?



*loophole - that which can be drunk or eaten or in any other way made to go away quickly is entirely acceptable.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

My favourite re-gift was when my sister got a "best teacher" Christmas ornament with the wrong year on it (the previous year, that is). Hooray for Walmart end of season sales.
I buy for children, that's it. And then some food. If I'm not too lazy.
g

Zhoen said...

Applause!

Feed me or recycle a gift you don't want, and that I can pass on if I don't like it. Perfect.

Alison Cross said...

The best Christmas present buying gift ever!

Ali xxxx

Lucy said...

Yes yes yes!