19 November, 2010

victim of statistics

we all like to think we are different, that we, unlike the unwashed masses, will beat the statistics and somehow rise above society's expectations, rise up, phoenix-like, from the ashes of mediocrity...or something. i admit, i thought so too. turns out i was wrong.

for the dozen or so years that mr. monkey and i have been together, and for the 9 years we have been married, we, too, thought that, unlike our friends, neighbours and co-workers, we would rise above, "make it," as it were and be different. now we have had to face the fact that we are not quite immune to society's diseased expectations: we have fallen, we have failed, we have, in fact, become nothing more than a statistic, a depressing statistic at that.

yes, my little poultries, i am devastated to have to inform you that mr. monkey and i...well...we bought a second car. now i know this goes against every single thing we stand for but before you pick up a stone and start tossing it speculatively from hand to hand whilst checking the atmospheric conditions* let me tell you that it is second hand and it is a volvo. that ought to count for something, no? i mean, come on! it's swedish! it's fuel efficient AND has a standard transmission. also, did i mention that it's swedish? those people are leading the world in environmentalism and social responsibility, not to mention kick-ass design!

whereas dodge rams appear to come with a free lobotomy,** volvos come with a serious intellectual cachet. at least there seem to be a whole lot of them parked around university campuses, so hopefully some of the smarts will rub off on us.

forgive us, please: mr. monkey's year-long (plus) carpooling deal recently collapsed in a heap of egos, light sociopathy and scheduling conflicts, and it was either that, or moi driving him to work every day (50km), driving to my own sporadic places of employment (5-40km each way), then driving back to pick him up (still 50km), which would not have been good. not for me, not for him, not for the marriage, not for the planet.

also, did i mention the car's swedish?


p.s. don't hate me, but i am madly in love with my butt warmer. too bad the stereo is blocked despite the best efforts of volvo dealers all over vancouver island...


*what? wind direction and speed has a huge effect on how you throw a rock at someone. just ask a golfer.

**chances are the ijit who cut you off earlier today was driving a dodge ram. it's just the way it is, i cannot help it!

9 comments:

Zhoen said...

Eh. It happens. One more car than drivers in a household is bad.

the polish chick said...

well, we still have more people than bathrooms, so i guess it evens out.

Country Gent said...

congrats. I know it was a long time coming.

Anonymous said...

Hey, In a couple years, trade it in for an electric car.

Lucy said...

We have two cars and only one of us works, then part time. One car sits in the drive going mouldy, getting driven about once a week, since it is the big boss posh car (OK it's a 5 year old modest Citroen rather than my 13 year old very modest Citroen, buy a Volvo here and you'd regret it...) with the steering wheel on the wrong side for me to drive.

Now go and flagellate yourself with a birch twig or something.

jools said...

cool! did you get the wagon? after you guys told me about the wagon i've been noticing them all over town. but no stereo?! how can you drive without tuneage?

Mother Theresa said...

Lol...our car is a Volvo...and much of the time it is parked on a university parking lot (my husband is a university professor). But driving the kids around in it hasn't made them study any harder...so I don't know about the smarts rubbing off. ;D

the polish chick said...

yes, jools, it is the wagon, and mr. monkey fixed the stereo yesterday. i could almost live without tuneage, but i had a hard time living without my cbc talk radio.

the polish chick said...

mother theresa, hi! welcome, welcome! your taste in books is close to mine! i too am a huge fan of the discworld series and hitchhiker's guide. shame that the former has early onset alzheimer's and the latter is dead.

as for the smarts not rubbing off, perhaps yours doesn't have heated seats? because that's what i'm counting on - the smarts entering via warm buttocks.