one rainy night a couple of weeks ago i was driving on the highway on my way to pick up mr. monkey when i was arrested by the sudden bloom of red lights reflected on the wet pavement. i felt hypnotised by this entirely unexpected beauty: lowly, utilitarian, quotidian and utterly irresistible. since then, each time i pull up to an intersection, i fall under the spell of the ruby blooms all over again.
this sudden emergence of beauty makes me nervous. last time it happened, i feared i was about to die and the universe was handing me a going-away gift, a little something to ease the passing: we were living in the northern wastelands at the time and drove the 430km south to civilisation twice a month. we had lived there for a good long while already when i suddenly became aware of the beauty of the drive. it was the wrong season: nothing was blooming, nothing was singing forth its spring verdure or summer bounty. it was simply one more day on the highway and out of nowhere, i was charmed. here was this road i had driven back and forth on, filled to the brim with resentment, depression and hopelessness, when lo, it became beautiful. it had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with some inner joy, since i was shriveled up and dry; it came from outside of me, shocked me into awareness and remained quietly in the corner of my mind.
since i didn't die that time, i am assuming i am not about to die now (not that the universe is a well ordered place, but i do like to surround myself with the comfort of patterns, so please bear with me), although i must force myself to pay a little more attention to my driving - the hypnotic bloom of red reflections can be quite distracting.
[by the way, i have deleted the culling post and its corollary because in no way, shape, or form did it get across what i wanted to say. it just made me sound like an asshole and while that may be true from time to time, i am not a full time asshole and do not want to be seen as one. thanks for your patience.]
[for those of you who have missed the posts i am referring to, and are now consumed with curiosity, just imagine me sounding like an asshole, and there you have it. you didn't miss much.]