27 August, 2010

yet another post in which i tell you absolutely nothing about the wild kayaking adventures i survived just last week

things i am proud of but probably shouldn't be, but hey, i'll take my "self-esteem" (heave, gag, choke, hurl*) from whatever dumpster i can scrape it:

1. my astonishing ability to signal correctly in a traffic circle. this puts me in the top 0.032% of the population. fact.**

2. my almost instantaneous ability to tell if a particular classical piece is in major or minor key, especially in light of the fact that my father, who 34 seconds into the piece will tell you who it's by, which year it was written, what particular era it is representative of, etc, cannot, for the life of him. ah, those small victories over our aging parents...

3. my previously celebrated ability to use a knife and fork simultaneously which makes me a doyenne of etiquette in north america. of course once in europe, i instantly morph into a boorish nose-picking yokel, so if i want to feel classy and shit, i'd best stay on this side of the atlantic.

4. my inability to burp.

5. my popeye-like muscular fore-arms. they is TOUGH!

6. my amazing ability to know that it is "for you and ME" and not "for you and I." i am not, however, at all proud of my complete inability to remain unmoved by this increasingly ubiquitous and annoying grammatical fuck-up. subject/object, people, SUBject/OBject!!!

7. my excessive and joyous use of adverbs and adjectives - BOOYAH!

*in case you missed it, i despise the whole concept of "self-esteem" and its attendant horrors (as in, "you cannot fail a stupid learning-challenged child because it will hurt its..." or "i exclusively date losers because i have low..." etc, etc.)

**nah, not really. i made it up, and if you hadn't already guessed that, i have a nigerian bank account overflowing with cash that only requires your banking password for me to shaaaaare.


Alison Cross said...

Don't get me started on school again! Do you know that at my old school (bog standard comp) they actually BANNED competitive sports on the grounds that it meant some folk won and some folk lost.

*hurumph* <-grumpy old woman mode

the polish chick said...

oh sweet jesus, you have GOT to be kidding. they are raising a whole generation of ijits whose self esteem comes in a spray can instead of from a sense of actual achievement.

i second your grumpy old woman mode. too bad you're far away or we could hurumph through a whole bottle of wine (or a beverage of your choosing).

Alison Cross said...

Wine will be fine :-)

I think that we should just schedule a time and start drinking - you on your side of the pond and me on mine.

But now, I must abandon hopes of alchol poisoning and Do The Ironing....

Cheers, m'dear!

Ali x

jools said...

you should be proud of your colour-coordination skills -- top class.

the polish chick said...

but i HATE being coordinated! it's always accidental. there are few fashion-related things i fear more than being like one of those old ladies whose shoes match their purse, necklace, earrings, scarf AND hat.

woe is moi!

Lucy said...

The not burping sounds a bit worrying. Don't you explode?

the polish chick said...

um, yes. out my butt, not to put too fine a point on it. i am a hearty wind-passer, i just do not burp.