1. my astonishing ability to signal correctly in a traffic circle. this puts me in the top 0.032% of the population. fact.**
2. my almost instantaneous ability to tell if a particular classical piece is in major or minor key, especially in light of the fact that my father, who 34 seconds into the piece will tell you who it's by, which year it was written, what particular era it is representative of, etc, cannot, for the life of him. ah, those small victories over our aging parents...
3. my previously celebrated ability to use a knife and fork simultaneously which makes me a doyenne of etiquette in north america. of course once in europe, i instantly morph into a boorish nose-picking yokel, so if i want to feel classy and shit, i'd best stay on this side of the atlantic.
4. my inability to burp.
5. my popeye-like muscular fore-arms. they is TOUGH!
6. my amazing ability to know that it is "for you and ME" and not "for you and I." i am not, however, at all proud of my complete inability to remain unmoved by this increasingly ubiquitous and annoying grammatical fuck-up. subject/object, people, SUBject/OBject!!!
7. my excessive and joyous use of adverbs and adjectives - BOOYAH!
*in case you missed it, i despise the whole concept of "self-esteem" and its attendant horrors (as in, "you cannot fail a
stupid learning-challenged child because it will hurt its..." or "i exclusively date losers because i have low..." etc, etc.)
**nah, not really. i made it up, and if you hadn't already guessed that, i have a nigerian bank account overflowing with cash that only requires your banking password for me to shaaaaare.