26 June, 2010

in which i screw my courage to the sticking place* and go try on swimsuits

it was friday and i thought it was as good a day as any to go try on small bits of spandexy fabric in poorly lit cubicles, so i did.

it started off interesting. i found what i thought was the perfect swimsuit, i.e. a suit that would magically transform into a swim-dress for those days when there might not be enough time for, shall we say, good and thorough personal grooming, and there might be a stray wolverine or two hanging about on the upper thighs, if you know what i mean, and i think you do (if any of my audience members are regular brazilian waxers, i salute you, but also i am a little bit disturbed).
i tried it on. it was not good.

the girl: how is it?


the girl: ... that's not good, is it?

moi: no. no, it's not good.

it went downhill from there. i did not buy a swimsuit. but i tried on many many many swimsuits and would like to know why i can look halfway decent and relatively toned when i'm at home, but in the change rooms i magically transform into a quivering pudding of a mysterious greenish hue.

then i went and got the first good haircut since september and forgot about my lumpiness.




*no, i don't know where that is. yes, i know it sounds dirty, but i am in fact quoting shakespeare, so piss off.

** there is such a show, no? and it features curvy women in tight dresses with big hair, no? jesus, i am so out of the loop...

6 comments:

Country Gent said...

I like screwing my courage to the sticking place.

Will definitely had a way with words.

Anonymous said...

So did you get a swimsuit or not? I cannot stand being left in the void without denouement...

the polish chick said...

but i distinctly said: "i did not buy a swimsuit" so there's your denouement. the true denouement was my haircut which was good.

Anonymous said...

I just thought you might have gone for some alternative 'swim solution' or will the new haircut cover your modesty sufficiently?

the polish chick said...

sorry i was curt. i did not buy a swimsuit at that or any other excursion - i actually own two already. one makes me look good but grants no sanctuary to the wolverines, the other is wolverine friendly but falls off the shoulders thereby exposing my particulars and breasticulars to the world at large.

one day, perhaps...

Anonymous said...

Shopping for swimsuits is worse than shopping for shows. Much worse. Though shopping for shoes is also excruciating.
g