02 February, 2010

tickle trunk of the soul

last night was not, in any way, shape or form, sleepless. it can be honestly classified as sleepful. gloriously, supremely sleepful. the dream i started out with featured a caribbean island, privately owned by a family with whom i first shared the boat, then the mansion, the wine, the bicycles through the vineyards etc, etc. all in all, what better way to spend the night? they had several good looking sons as well, the best looking of whom kept catching my eye, but even in my dream i knew that i just don't like'em quite that pretty. there were dinners, parties, swimming and all kinds of fun to be had underneath the palmtrees.

then, as i was in the hydrotherapy room of a spa, i suddenly and unaccountably gave birth. yet another baby dream. oh Brain, i do wish you'd either stop with these baby dreams, or put the desire into my waking time. otherwise i'm just not going to do it. how can i trust you, Brain, when not two nights ago i dreamed that i surprised my grandma getting it on with some elderly gentleman? huh? that's just not right!

alas, the baby girl was gorgeous if hirsute, i loved her immensely, but still could not make up my mind whether or not to keep her,* so off we went, looking for mr. monkey to be the final arbiter (yes, it's not fair, and yes, i do tend to do that in real life as well). in the meantime dream daughter grew up to about 6 years old, wore a white taffeta dress covered in large orange polka dots, behaved impeccably and held my hand in the hotel lobby while we went searching for daddy. daddy appeared, approved, and then i woke up. keep in mind, while smiling to yourself through the pink haze of this nighttime tale, that no diapers were changed, no temper tantrums experienced and no night-time feedings administered during the making of this film. so there you go.

the thing that continues to perplex and amaze me, is the breathtaking emotional verisimilitude of my baby dreams. i have not ever loved a child of mine, on account of having never had a child, and yet, in my dreams, the love i feel for the little critter Brain has cooked up for me, goes beyond any type of love i have ever experienced. it is intense, deep and endless. it is, in fact, precisely the kind of love parents describe having for their children. and i wonder, where does Brain get it from? is there a tickle trunk in our soul somewhere which holds all the possible emotions we are ever likely to need during the course of our life, a tickle trunk in which , in my case, maternal feelings languish unused and dusty, until shaken free of the mothballs by that trickster, Night Brain?

*the keeping or not keeping thing had nothing to do with adoption. i seemed to think that if i decided not to keep her, she'd simply go back...ahem...inside, and then become smaller and smaller until she ceased to exist at all, an idea many parents have fantasized about at some point, i am told.


Geneviève said...

That's some vivid dream. That feeling of love for a child is definitely amazing. Especially if there are no diapers involved.

Pitur said...

wow, that was a complicated dream. <y dream last night consisted of crashing my bike and then looking for the battery for the remainder of the night.