20 January, 2010

run, fat girl, run!

shamed by my creeping* poundage as ascertained by the briskly efficient nurse of yesterday, this morning i went for a run. because i haven't been running since the rains of november washed away my will power, this was an exercise in exhaustion, pain and did i mention the exhaustion? i managed to run for the majority of the time, but gave myself a pass to walk up the steep bits, on account of not quite being ready to expire from cardiac arrest just yet.

for the first time ever i ran with my i-pod, and must say that there is something to be said for embarrassingly bad music in your ears when you're trying to shed some excess weight. bring it on, britney! dj champion, rock on! you kissed a girl and you liked it, you say? hah! i ate a cake and i liked it and look at me now! i listened to the lyrics of pink's "sober" for the first time and thought that they had an interesting message, one i might have to consider in light of the caloric content of alcohol. all in all, metric's "collect call" now tops my list of good running tunes, followed closely by britney's "piece of me." good rhythm, that's all it is, people, good rhythm.

i came home, awkwardly took off my shoes, waddled to the kitchen, ate some of mr. monkey's spectacular baked beans (which, in case you missed it the first time, are fucking spectacular), and continued to waddle to whatever my destination happened to be. god, it hurts. or i guess it's more of a stilted wooden feeling. a sort of pain once removed by the stunned reaction of my neurons to the sudden influx of swift** forward movement. will this ever be fun?

*more galloping, really, since i decided to use a tactic that seemingly worked for a roman friend of mine, i.e. "i eat what i want and have been losing weight," a tactic whose failure has been as spectacular as it has been total, entire and unmitigated. le sigh.

**well, it's all relative. faster than walking, i suppose, but chariots of fire this ain't.


jools said...

good job on the running, chick. keep it up! lean and mean!

i've always liked "hit me baby one more time". it's a good tune!!! i dare you to sing it and not have a good time! that and "living on a prayer" always make me smile.

pinolona said...

I've started a playlist of inappropriately motivational workout songs. It starts with Queen's 'Fat Bottomed Girls' and then 'Bootylicious' by Destiny's Child (bearing the singularly effective line 'I don't think you're ready for this jelly'), followed by the Black-Eyed Peas and that charming number about the lovely lady lumps. Once, I was trying on a swimsuit and that last song came on in the changing rooms. It is credit to my desperation to swim (while the University's Olympic-sized pool was still free) that I still bought the swimsuit, in spite of the repeated question 'What you gonna do with all that junk, all that junk that's in the trunk?'

Any other suggestions??

pinolona said...

umm... the comment is meant to be funny and silly, I don't know if that came across well: when these songs come on while I'm running I can suddenly feel all my jelly and junk in the trunk wobbling and it's highly inappropriate but strangely motivating and makes me want to giggle.

the polish chick said...

hey pinolona! long time no hear. and yes, your comment came across as funny and silly. have you ever seen the video for alanis morissette's version of the black eyed peas song? it's pretty darn hilarious.

lately, i've taken to looking away from the mirror as i change in a change room. of course this can have the opposite of the intended effect: when you don't see your lumps and bumps and other lovely lady humps, you can start to believe they don't actually exist, which can lead to cake.

Anonymous said...

I get to hear a lot of catchy tunes with my hip hop cool dude of a ten-year-old playing his music 24-7. Personally, I can't seem to stop humming along to anything by Lady Ga-Ga. I don't know what it is.

And I got my boy Michael Jackson's greatest hits for Christmas, which also gets me going. Bill says I actually got it for myself, which I suppose is not too far from the truth.

Keep it up, girl.

pinolona said...

anything which leads to cake is good!! (can it be sernik?)

the polish chick said...

you know, pinolona, i am not a great big fan of polish sernik. i prefer north american cheesecake. however that is the only instance when north american confection trumps it polish counterpart.

in this particular instance i might have been visualising rich buttery poundcake.