04 December, 2009

served with a heaping bowl of vitriol

mr. monkey and i headed up to north island today to check it out. we were feeling particularly optimistic and even packed an overnight bag, just in case.


ever been to campbell river? no? let's just say that if you didn't want to use words like "depressing," "dull," "industrial," or "wholly uninspired" you could just sum it up as "whitecourt-by-the-sea." for those of you unfamiliar with the pulp-mill glory that is whitecourt, imagine if you will any small industrial north american town with a wal-mart, macdonald's, few architectural details or character. now put it by the sea. there you have it. they compounded the problem of their boring downtown by plonking a hideous mustard-coloured 60's high rise hotel right on the waterfront.

the highlight of our trip was a city park that jutted into the water in a most attractive way (on the map). the city fathers, in their infinite wisdom, removed all but one or two trees, put in wide paved walkways and a whole shitload of lawn. after all, who among us isn't bored to death of trees? especially here in british columbia. giant cedars, ancient pines, stunning firs, dazzling arbutus - booooring. who needs'em? add to that the delicious incentive of financial gain when these dull old growth bastards are chopped up and sold off to the highest bidder, and there really is no issue. timberrrrrrrr!!!!

and why not grass? it is blatantly obvious that north america loves its grass, regardless of geography or climate. lawns dominate our landscape like a particularly persistent blight, and we shall have them because to us they spell success. oh sure, the majority of the world lacks clean drinking water, but we are so bloody privileged we will pour ours out on a lawn! nothing gives a big fat finger to the third world like watering grass with pure potable water. not enough for ya? well hell, clean your sidewalks with it too! that'll show those smug skinny third world bastards!

anyone out there i managed not to offend? no? let's see - people who live in campbell river, people who live in whitecourt, people who work in forestry, people who like lawns (98% of north america right there, baby!) and those who think we owe the world nothing and can waste our most precious natural resources however the fuck we please. that about covers it. any questions?

on a more positive note, cause i'm nothing if not positive (except, you know, negative) the drive up was gorgeous!

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