03 December, 2009

baby, just don't call me a cab!

now that you know you shouldn't call me dear the question remains: what, short of various rude epitaphs to which you are sincerely welcome, can you call me? well, let's go over a list, shall we?

dear - don't. just don't. weren't you paying attention?

my dear - marginally better but still vaguely offensive in an entirely inexplicable manner

love - works only if you love me or if you have a british accent. then again most things spoken with a british accent work wonderfully well. call me a fucking twat with a british accent and i'll most likely giggle like a schoolgirl.

sweetheart - confession, this one makes me a wee bit weak in the knees (scottish or irish accent optional but strongly encouraged. yes, there's a tale. no, you won't get to hear it.)

honey - booooring

sweetie - meh, been there, done that, didn't do anybody any good

darling - yes please, especially if you say it with a ricardo montalban accent and roll your rrrrr's prettily

darlin' - like it a lot. must be all those years living in cowboy country.

baby - do i look like my diaper needs changing?

babe - SMACK!

bebe - oh, ok, sure.

babycakes - oddly enough i like it, most likely because cake features prominently....mmmm...cake

mama - unless you came out of my birth canal - NO.

pumpkin - used to be, years ago, that i really wanted to be called this. now i can't understand it. i mean, it's a great term of endearment for a baby or a cat but for a grown woman, not so much.

angel - you wish

monkey - yes, yes, yes. until we get old and die.


michele said...


throat gobler melon?

Anonymous said...
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the polish chick said...

no, i don't want a bigger penis. no, i don't want to find out how to make 2K a day (ok, i do, but not from you), and no, i don't need cheap drugs. spammers, feel free to fuck right the fuck off and keep the fuck away from my fucking comments because i get my goddamn hopes up and then get crushed. just crushed. and i cannot take it anymore, do you hear? I CANNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!