09 November, 2009

this is your brain on cake

i suspect that sometime in the last few years i might have suffered a series of mini strokes which have left my vocabulary seriously stunted. i mean, i always have had trouble with one or two words (i now have a separate file on my computer called "fennel" because i am never able to remember the bloody bastard's name*) but it seems to be spreading.

this is especially frustrating when i am in the throes of a particularly pungent post and am in need of keeping the flow, but get stumped on what i know is a basic word. mister monkey is of no help whatsoever. often this degenerates into a very poor game of charades:

moi (frustrated, much flapping of arms): i need a word! i can't think of it! it's like when you're watching a scary film and you don't know what happens next!!!
mr. monkey:...
moi: HELP ME!!!
mr. monkey: fearful! scared! anxious! pineapple!
moi: i need a FUCKING NOUN!
mr. monkey: horror?

for the record - the word is suspense. 

and don't tell me to look it up, because the minute i try to thesaurize similar words, my mind goes blank and i can barely conjugate the verb to be.

could it possibly be The Drink? or is it part of that little game brain plays with itself called "Not Only Were You Skinnier And Better Looking In The Past, You Were Also Way Funnier And More Intelligent," a game designed to make you feel bad about your current downfall while retaining some shred of pride in the glory of the past, no matter how delusional all this might be.

*not that i talk about fennel a lot, but it is frustrating, especially when explaining it to non-foodies who look at you funny when you say "it looks like a cross between kohlrabi and fresh dill fronds but tastes like anise"


Anonymous said...

OK...you're cut off.

Michele said...

When I am at a loss for words or a word, I always have that extra tab hovering, where I can google.ca anything I want that will move me forward with my writing. For example, I was trying to think of a word that describes the person who is a toadie, works for someone else, like a "P-Diddy Waterboy-type of person, a henchman?, no, what the ... (straining...). So I googled and came up with "personal assistant" in a few seconds which is the word I settled on, just because it was nice and succinct. My significant other, whom I affectionately call "Mr. W" (for "Wonderful", which is only slightly sarcastic and also slightly true) is very well read, so he's sometimes helpful in this regard as well.

I love your meanderings, keep it up Agnieszka, you are very good at writing! (so why are you "dentalling assistantiing" (insert proper word here)??!! Follow your PASSION! (so why am I customerrrr servicisiling?")

the polish chick said...

hey now, i am a dental HYGIENIST, not a dental ASSISTANT. i would be offended greatly, if it weren't for the fact that i really don't give a shit. though the big advantage of being a DH rather than a DA (aside from the hefty monetary difference) is that i work on my own, and not face to face with some dink who thinks he is a dental god.
and why that and not something else? i have yet to find a "career" that would allow me to work 3 days a week and still make a living. i'm shallow that way.

michele said...

Ahh, kapeesh! I also see what you mean about the dental god scenario. My dentist is a she, (and she is great) but I always have in the back of my mind an imaginary line between her eyes and those of the DA and an imaginary thought bubble above them with the words "HELP ME PAY OFF MY BENTLEY". It's unspoken, but deeply instictive.

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