08 November, 2009

so like, yeah, all professional and shit

dearest poultries, i have gotten my papers and will henceforth be legally allowed to practice my twinkie debridement skills in the province of british columbia. my first reaction to this glorious event was several hours of hyperventilation followed by nausea and panic. yes, i am THAT happy to go back to work. 

fort mac, you malodorous bastard, when i arrived i was happy to be a dental type person. when i left, a scarred, twitching, quivering shell of my former self, the thought of teeth made me throw up a little in my mouth. thanks a lot, you goddamn prick, you have taken away whatever shred of professional dignity i might have had. now i must get over the fear and panic, remember that not every office is a den of backstabbing retardation and machiavellian machinations in a key of duh, that there are indeed places that, unlike my last place of employment, will respect what i can bring to them and allow me to do my fucking job. hopefully crying on my way home every day will also be optional.

rant over. sort of.

as i was editing my cover letter i was struck by how ridiculous all this cover letter bullshit is. i mean, anyone, barely simian, single-digit IQ, the work ethic of homer simpson, can write herself a glowing cover letter, one that would read exactly as inane and dull as my own and who's gonna know?

moi: listen, "i come to you with a positive attitude and excellent interpersonal skills" sucks!
mr. monkey: well, tweak it a bit then. make it better.
moi: but that's the thing - what can i tweak? it's all true!
mr. monkey: ...
moi: well, okay, except for the positive attitude part.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

well spoken---sadly so much of it is true..You rock...th

Joan said...

Positive attitude! HAHAHA

Anyway, wondered if you would work cleaning tusks there. If you think fort mac was bad, wait till your first hippie patient, still with squirrel in his teeth, tells you he thinks brushing your teeth is some government ploy by "the man" to impede his freedom.

the polish chick said...

hey, i actually do have moments of positive attitude. i do! but on two separate occasions (once in my last place of employment and once when i first took my driver training from a bitter nazi dick) i have had my positive attitude pummeled from my soul. if i'm bitter now, it's just a self protective mechanism.

Anonymous said...

Congrats. Or something like that. Perhaps condolences are more in order?

Maybe it won't be so bad now that you're not in Fort Mac. And if it is, there's always going back to school to learn how to deal with road kill and rowdy campers.

Always there to help.
g