21 November, 2009

nurse, we need 10 cc's of plasma and a bucket of bile, stat

mister monkey has a co-worker who is currently employed on the same island project, but whose wife continues to reside, along with their offspring, in boyle, alberta.

boyle, for those of you not on intimate terms with the northern alberta landscape, is a town whose name is an apt description of its state of being - nothing that couldn't be cured with an aggressive course of antibiotics and a thorough lancing. it is a small, nondescript hamlet on the highway between edmonton and fort mcmurray, and it is rife with pulp mill fumes and john deere trucks.

the town does have an obligatory chinese restaurant, this one named hooters. i presume that the reason the eponymous international chain of burgers'n breasts hasn't swooped in to launch a legal assault on this humble establishment, is similar to the reason why a horde of bloodthirsty mcdonald's lawyers have failed to sue every lonely goatherd who sells kabobs from his yurt in northern mongolia under the moniker "mcnuggets" - there's little fear of either being mistaken for the real deal.

boyle's hooters serves mediocre chinese food and mediocre western food, both deep fried, their only distinction, the former being doused in bright red phlegm sauce, the latter in lumpy sodium-laced gravy - in a word: delicious! there are no hot busty chicks working there, most of them having presumably given up the small town charms of boyle for the promise of the bright lights big city stripper establishments of fort mac. and hurray to them.

my point, as i do indeed have one, is this: what woman leaves her husband to go forth and work in paradise while she stays in a place aptly named after a epidermal condition? i followed mister monkey TO fort mac, while she refuses to follow her mister to vancouver island? what sort of madness is this? is her wednesday bridge club so beguiling? is it her lovely split level with discount laminate flooring and a bay window? is it the promise that lies at the end of the curving highway? what in the fuck would cause a woman to stay when the alternative is so damn palatable?

any ideas? feel free to ignore me in the comments section. bonus points if you tell me your word verification and make up a definition, just because it's fun, and fun is what i am all about, motherfuckers!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

my guess is that the husband is a jerk.
-j

the polish chick said...

then he'd have to be one hell of a jerk. ever been to boyle? and if he's a jerk big enough to make boyle the preferable option, then i'd suggest divorce.

Anonymous said...

May she like ridin' John Deere?

Anonymous said...

bad marriage is all I can think of...or a farmer on the side...

the polish chick said...

actually, there are somewhat extenuating circumstances i just found out. but not extenuating enough to explain boyle.

Anonymous said...

Try as I might, I can simply not come up with an explanation. Oh wait I know...no, false alarm...still no explanation.
g

Michele said...

maybe she's too busy reffing the bug-tussle competitions! (this, by the by, is a side reference to The Beverly Hillbillies, and yes, I am old enough to have watched many episodes long, long ago).

My guess is that some people are simply stuck in doing what they are doing, and don't aspire to more than that. She works, she refs the competitions (as above) and in the evening, she walks across a field of wheat to her humble home. There is no sparkle in her eye for anything beyond the field, and that includes a big, beautiful ocean, and him.

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