08 November, 2009

cleansed in the blood of the lamb, and other plumbing horrors

my little poultries, i have married an innocent in the ways of the lord. listen and marvel:

we were watching a show last week, wherein a character led the congregation of a church in a rousing rendition of "cleansed in the blood of the lamb." when these particular words of the hymn were sung mister monkey turned to me with an incredulous smile on his face and asked if they were serious or if this was some crrrrazy shenanigan cooked up by the writers of the program. he honestly had no idea that people in church routinely sing such grotesque hymns and think absolutely nothing of bathing in the bodily fluids of small furry ruminants. 

they say that when you have a child, you see the wonder of the world anew with the eyes of your babe, amazed at a rainbow, awed by the sparkle of sunlight on soap bubbles, (supply other nauseatingly hallmark-inspired moments of wonder, because i feel my dinner starting to clamour in my gut). i need no child. i have mister monkey. a man completely bereft of any kind of religious education. a man who might have heard passing mention of christ*, but whose attempts to cross himself are as guaranteed to produce hearty guffaws as his attempts to speak french and who knows not one single bible story. 

in short, the very ridiculous nature of organized religion is shown anew to me, through mister monkey's eyes. having grown up semi-catholic, and having spent a goodly portion of my teenage years NOT smoking, NOT fornicating, NOT drinking and NOT doing any of the things my parents hoped i'd eventually get around to just to prove i was not in the clutches of some kool-aid cult, the religious language is second nature to me. i have heard about the cleansing power of ovine plasma so many times that i hardly hear the literal beyond the metaphorical. 

mister monkey has opened my eyes. no more showers of sheep! hurray for atheism!

*"jesus fucking christ-on-a-stick" is a particular favourite of mine, though i don't know if blaspheming counts as spreading the name of the lord to that infidel husband of mine.

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