03 September, 2009

once upon a time...

  • in the last few days i have seen a whole gaggle of seagulls standing around sheepishly with starfish sticking out of their beaks. i've never actually seen one swallow. oh gluttony!

  • coming home from an island hop last night we caught sight of a couple having balcony sex. short attention spans, though, or too much porn: each pose was held for an average of 7.5 seconds, except for the crowning glory, the 9.3 second blow-job. we were very disappointed when they went indoors, as, i am sure, was their neighbour several floors down who was enjoying a leisurely smoke and sex show.  oh disappointment!

  • on our drive to tofino we stopped at a roadside fish-and-chipperia where we were fed undercooked french fries and captain highliner's atlantic cod fingers by a tubercular chef and her earnest though under-washed assistant. several kilometers later we entered the world of locally sourced seafood establishments served, no doubt, by persons of robust pulmonary health and immaculate personal hygiene. oh mycobacterium tuberculosis!

  • in a couple of days we will be moving into our ocean-view rental* suite which, until the movers get there in a few weeks, will be sumptuously furnished with a borrowed mattress, two borrowed chairs, an antique table and two plastic dollar store plates. no, you can't come over quite yet. oh minimalism!


*sweeter words were never spoken - rental, thy name is leisure! no hammers shall come near thee, except for the glorious hammers of picture-hanging! no drywall compound shall mar thy beauty! no bestial whirr of drills shall disturb thy quietude! oh how i love thee, oh rental suite!

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