19 July, 2009

lo, and there shall come down rains and torrents of fish and amphibians if ye persist in thy sinfulness

as much as i love storms (i love storms a lot) last night scared the bejesus out of me.

as i drove home, i found myself strangely confused. it took me several blocks to figure out that the source of my confusion was not the beer and a half i had consumed (by the way, heineken sucks) but the utter darkness enveloping the area. no lights. none at all. and then the branches. everywhere the branches, leaves, pieces of trees and finally a whole tree lying across my way.

driving along whyte ave on a saturday night is never a fun project, one must always concentrate on trying to avoid drunk backwards-baseball-cap-wearing yokels and their assorted shrieking push-up-bra'd trixies. doing it in the dark in gale force winds was extra lovely. 

inexplicably, i had my window open and was thus treated to a toonie-sized hailstone whacking me right on the crotch when the hail began. after cursing and rolling up the window, i silently offered up thanks for a) not being a man and b) not being a stripper 'cause truly? ouch.

this morning i had another reason to offer up thanks - the aphids that practically ate the tree next door caused it to be less wind resistant and thus still standing, unlike the tree in front of my house which is, even as i write this, sprawled across one lane plus sidewalk, and the next door neighbour's tree which broke his fence, pulled down some wiring and fell on his neighbour's house. 

oddly enough, our delicate swaying gap-toothed fence is still standing. go figure.

all night i did as i typically do and worried about things i had no control over, in this case, the things in my freezer. 9h later when the power came back on, even the ice was still frozen, so no worries.

but hey, to prevent lawsuits arising from the delicate north american constitution, planet organic and save-on-foods were throwing away massive quantities of organic yuppy foods that might have become horrifyingly toxic through several hours of slightly higher than recommended temperatures. good lord! no wonder we panic at every conceivable new flu bug to come around. you've gotta wonder how our ancestors lived - they of the root cellar and occasional ice block.

so to sum up - no lights, no refrigeration, hail in the crotch, trees in the streets and i lived to tell the tale. 

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