you have been the best mister monkey a monkey could ever hope to find. thank you.
now for the funeral arrangements: please serve yummy cupcakes, you know i like the tart kind, and i know you do too, so go ahead, serve the tart kind. otherwise, seeing as i'm dead, feel free to disregard any part of these instructions that you find inconvenient or foolish. i can't do anything about it anyway - remember? i'm dead!
please burn my body, then put the leftover bits in a receptacle of your choice. a folgers can will be fine. take the ashes and do what you like with them: it's not really me, just dust. you can throw them out and i will not think it disrespectful. all i ask is that you don't bury me because it's a waste of space and all those chemicals are seriously disturbing. i do not want to contaminate the groundwater any more than i already have. if you want to stuff me and keep me in the hallway, or mummify me, that would be cool, too.
please feel free to have a memorial thingie (with the cupcakes), but you really don't have to. if you do, please play that arvo pärt i like. my dad knows which one. it's on the ipod. you can also play that lisa gerard bit from black hawk down. or hey, if you like, play ac/dc or rage against the machine. that might piss me off so much that i come back. polish rap might also do the trick.
invite whom you want or nobody at all. it's your party cause, hey! i'm dead!
find yourself a good woman (after a suitable period of mourning) and for god's sake, don't hold on to stuff! life's too short.
i love you, you have rocked my world.