01 May, 2009

cubicle death

due to the high volume of calls, we have been forced to hire more unhelpful, rude, underqualified idiots. this has been harder to accomplish than one might think - to find all those qualities in someone who shows up to work on time and has grasped the fundamentals of good personal hygiene is nothing short of miraculous.  still, we keep trying:

we offer a semi-competitive salary and a benefits package plucked straight out of a dickens novel. we can, however, guarantee that the chair you will sit on has not had anyone die on it from a strange and possibly communicable disease...recently...for the most part.

our firm boasts a warm and friendly work environment (if your definition of friendly comprises sociopathic tendencies heavily marinated in alarming quantities of cheap liquor), however sex in the broom closet is actively discouraged, except on casual fridays and, of course, christmas parties.

please submit your resume online. yes, spelling counts. swear words are discouraged, especially when pertaining to your previous places of employment. nude pictures will not help you get hired but might get you laid.

No comments: