1. do not tell me to calm down. that will have the opposite of its intended effect, i guarantee it. so please, if you want us all to make it out of here alive, do not tell me to calm down.
2. do not tell me how a situation i have just lived through should be a lesson to me. i am not in grade 3. i am a woman coming dangerously close to the end of her fourth decade, and i do not need to learn that "this is how people are." i know how people are. i am not stupid. in fact i may just be one of the most intelligent people* you are likely to meet. i just choose to tailor my self to my natural inclinations, and not to "how people are." screw people.
3. i am moving to australia...ok, maybe not. but a girl can dream.
4. mister monkey is unable to understand my insomnia. he had a bad night last night and i told him, "see? this is how it is for me every night!" " yes," he tells me, "but it's because i think!" like i lie awake at night every bloody night with my mind a tabula rasa, unconcerned at all with global climate change, the recession, man's inhumanity to man, the loss of irreplaceable genetic material what with the alarming homogeneity of our seed stocks, etc, etc. oh, ok, honey. you think. must be tough being a man.
5. i sound cranky. i am not cranky at all...for a change.
6. hi! still here?
7. i seem to be losing my taste for fish. what'd you think about THAT?
*shocking underachiever. ask my mom: she'll gladly tell you all the things i could have been had i applied my considerable intellect to something other than hours and hours of tetris. she sure can go on about that!