thrice already i have indulged in satan's own cookies that co-workers surreptitiously buy at safeway and then bring to work for the perdition of my soul and my waistline. surely you have seen these round sweet little pastries, placed prominently in the seasonal display, shortbready or chocolific, iced with the bright orange icing reminiscent of the very fires of hell.
these cookies, my friends, are evil. they are made of sugar, flavoured with sugar, iced with sugar and sprinkled with cocaine. they are absolutely disgusting, lacking any subtlety, nuance or texture*. they are, in a word, pure satan. and you can't eat just one. you get the shakes after one bite, the adrenalin starts flowing through your bloodstream, you get that glassy eyed stare and, baby, you want more!
please listen to me: under no circumstances should you purchase these cookies. when faced with them evacuate immediately from the vicinity. and if you try one and lapse into a diabetic coma, don't come running to me.
(i am actually contemplating conducting a horrific experiment and buying a pack just to see how many i can eat before the prince of darkness himself appears to take me into the nether regions.)
*i am not kidding. they are absolutely vile and unpalatable and for some bizarre reason, i love them with the deep abiding love generally reserved for the mothers of newborns and harlequin romance heroines.