21 August, 2008

that tickles!

i must admit that despite all my protestations to the contrary, i have been sucked into the vortex of international playground bullying that is the olympics. aaahh....the sweet sweet smell of testosterone...

i admit i shed a tear when the terribly cute but terribly short eric lamaze stood on the whatchamacallit to receive his medal. the hard work, the glory, the gold...such stuff are tv movies made of. generally i pretend to throw up a little in my mouth when it comes to emotional twinkies of that variety, but really, that is simply the cynical veneer i re-apply meticulously upon my wafer-thin skin, because the truth is? i used to cry at those goddamn phone commercials in the 90's. you know the ones where the gruff-but-loving father gives his free-spirited-but-still-needing-the-reassurance-of-fatherly-love daughter a phone but doesn't tell her and then the phone rings and she searches through her luggage and there is daddy-o on the line, telling her to always use a condom or whatnot, except i really don't know what the hell he says because by now i am bawling like a five year old.

i hate that about myself. that annoying propensity to be moved to tears by the most obvious emotional twiddling by international telecommunications companies. bastards.

and don't even get me started on the bombardier "everyone loves 'o canada' " spot because i fucking hate slurping back my own snot as i scrape crap off someone's teeth, because i love this country, i truly do, but could we please not pretend that our national anthem is anything other than the musical equivalent of a visit to an octogenarian narcoleptic aunt? and still i cry.

oh yes, the olympics. cool stuff. especially the 4'2" 20lb chinese diving girls. how is it that those wee things do not float? surely there is lead stuffed into the waistbands of their ridiculously diminutive swimming suits.

still...eric lamaze...so short and yet so very cute. i won't even mention the swimmers, what with their perfectly sculpted abs of kryptonite, their perfectly hemispherical buttocks, their wide perfectly muscled shoulders, their...oh hell, it's all about the sportsmanship, no?

1 comment:

the Dude said...

With fewer things to be proud of these days, I must say I'm proud that the Canadian National Anthem is not a song 'o war.