22 August, 2008

garden gnomes are people too

strange existing olympic event:

i must admit to being baffled when i found out that BMX is now an olympic event. long the sport favoured by petty hoodlums and unsocialized teens with bad acne, i suppose i should cheer for their recognition by society. what i suggest is that we take it further.

proposed olympic event:

olympic purse snatching and get away, solo or gang style.

strange existing olympic event:

ok, volleyball i get, but why should there also be beach volleyball? isn't it essentially the same sport played on a different surface?

proposed olympic event:

jello volleyball. possibly mud volleyball. both would play up the sexiness of the sport. both would have to be played in g-strings. extra points given for the thoroughness of the brazilian wax jobs of the competitors.

strange existing olympic event:

trampoline jumping. sure, i realize this takes a great degree of athleticism, but so does negotiating the playground in a speedy and efficient manner.

proposed olympic event:

playground obstacle course, with a possible option of synchronized swinging.

strange existing olympic event:

synchronized diving. i suppose two of anything is twice as nice, as evidenced by the ubiquitous twins fantasy, but by extension we could synchronize any number of sports, including beach volleyball: double teams would be forced to not only win the game but do so by mirroring their co-team. it would be beautiful to behold.

proposed olympic event:

ok, that was a bit of silliness with the synchronized volleyball, but seriously now, how about synchronized golf? i'd say that would add interest and a balletic beauty to the otherwise mind-numbingly dull competition. extra points for double hole-in-ones.

side note:

this is the last year that women's softball will grace the olympic stage. a sport owned by the americans since its inclusion in the olympics, it warmed the cockles of my heart to see the japanese beat the crap out of them in the last olympic softball game ever. sort of like the automotive industry...

1 comment:

the Dude said...

How long have you been living under an Olympic rock?