25 June, 2008

did somebody say clean underwear?

seemingly have all the details of my trip to london worked out. the poland bit as well. and then my mom is already starting to prepare food for my arrival in ontario. all is well. except...i don't wanna go.

today i had a patient who was all grumpy on account of his trip this summer to london, amsterdam and inverness. we had a good laugh over our eerily similar reaction to what most of the general population would whoop it up over, i.e. "i'm going to europe!!! weeee!!!"

not us, man. we're all, fuck europe, man. i wanna go to the okanagan.

so yeah, if all my luggage (i.e. one bit, i am a chronic underpacker) manages to follow me all the way through my (roughly) seventeen plane changes, i will be a happy girl. moreover, i shall be a happy girl with clean underwear!

17 June, 2008

spastic colon in the sunny afternoon

which is just my way of saying that i have no topic in my head, but only itchy fingers that want to blather away completely unharnessed to actual thought.

sort of like the weekend of the preceding post.

and last weekend, when the girls had an early afternoon spa party (where the strawberry daquiris flowed liberally), followed by a 7 pm bbq, to which we girls rolled in rather racuously drunk. be proud: i was not the one puking that night. hey, thanks to mr. monkey's horrific oily work schedule, i was in bed before eleven. but three sheets to the wind nevertheless.

on the morrow, we made some heartfelt resolutions pertaining to alcohol consumption et al, but i am not convinced that i have staying power when a nice merlot calls my name in that sweet sweet warbling voice...oh yes, baby! mama hears you! mama's coming!!!

10 June, 2008


post tony tuesday: liver toxicity levels - stabilising. brain function - returning to normal.

we spent a much needed weekend chez antoine and i think we might not be invited again. ok, i think i might not be invited again. you see, i have this little problem, and no, not my drinking problem, although they are closely related. my problem is that long after my brain has become a soggy wine-logged mess, my mouth continues its ceaseless and unsupervised function.

so kids, you all know not to drink and drive. let's toss a few more pieces of advice on that particular pile:
don't drink and message your parents.
don't drink and peel and cut pineapples.
if you are foolish enough to do it, don't drink and feed the dog the entire pineapple core and whatever happened to fall on the floor, which, depending on the blood alcohol content may be a lot.
don't drink and meet friends' childrens' significant others.
don't drink and have lengthy heart to heart talks with troubled teenage girls.
and finally, don't drink and drink.

aaaah...good times!

04 June, 2008

vot are you sinking about?

i'm thinking that we now live in a society where it is more important to feel good than to be good; where our privileges have come to be viewed as inalienable rights; where our "right" to large, "safe" vehicles trumps the rest of the world's rights to clean air, drinking water, food and safety; where our children are given everything without a moment's thought given to those who have nothing.

i'm thinking that we are raising children who have no goal but their own fulfilment, no god but their sense of self-worth, obligations to no one but themselves, no sense of duty beyond that which is covered by their allowance, and no consciousness of a world outside their own small social circle.

i'm thinking i understand why the religious fanatics of the muslim world despise us: i do not condone their violence but i do see how our voracious appetite can be seen as offensive.

i'm thinking it is only a matter of time before the world's have-nots demand a little bit of what we have been gorging on for generations. i don't know how their demands will let themselves be known, but china's growing pollution and nigeria's violence give me an inkling.

i'm thinking that the future scares the hell out of me. this is one reason i don't want to have children.

then again, i'm thinking that whatever happens, it was bound to happen sooner or later: we've chosen to be blinded by the comforting availability of shiny hair, shiny cars, girls gone wild, ridiculously cheap microwave ovens, dangerously cheap gas, world disasters served up safely in dramatic montages on cnn, 8oz steaks, pre-washed organic salads, disposable clothes, low-sodium campbell's soup, botox, fashion barbies, designer sunglasses and designer dogs.

i'm thinking we seem to have gone so far down this road that i cannot imagine the kind of rocky path it would take to lead us back.

i'm thinking that we need to think a little more: about our choices, about the consequences of our actions, about our duty to others (mandated less by the carrot/stick of organized religion and more by a sense of interconnectedness with the rest of humanity, that moral compass that does not seek for heavenly reward but a sense of justice), about our duty to the planet, about the kind of world we are going to leave behind us.

i'm thinking that none of this is particularly original, but it is pertinent.

03 June, 2008

death and other funny stories

ok, so it wouldn't really have been death (except for the baseball-cap-wearing retard who was driving the truck), it would have been more of a squished front of helmut (the car), but still...today's incident where the abovementioned person of limited mental capacity decided to back up full speed without checking any of his handily provided mirrors, right into yours truly, was just one more roadsign on the highway to what-the-living-fuck-is-wrong-with-you-people-anyway-ville.

never one to pass up an opportunity to use The Horn Of Disapproval And Just Anger, i layed it on, and the douchebag stopped his truck one or two inches from my car. had i been sucked into the vortex of north american consumerism and idiocy and thus driving an suv, the truck would have squashed a chunk of my front end. i think what saved me is that little helmut (the car) is so small, so low to the ground.

i braced myself for the crunch and the resulting adrenalin rush that would carry me through the righteous beating i was going to administer, and when nothing came i proceeded to shake like a son of a biscuit for the next half hour. the mental midget gave me a dirty look (how dare i mysteriously appear out of nowhere and get in the way of his TRUCK?!) and drove off, which i am sure would have happened even if he had plowed right into little yellow moi.

as i said, this is my third or fourth brush with if not death then at least grievous bodily harm, and i am starting to be afraid of driving and this pisses me off. because it is all the (usually dodge ram) truck driving assholes that are making me want to stay home and drink and send out for crappy pizza and take in patients in my living room ("please expectorate into the lovely ceramic teacup provided for your salivary evacuation needs").

god damn.

BUT: we're off to a weekend of peace and quiet in what is realistically fort mac minor, but there is our lovely monsieur antoine and his collection of world class libations, and a kitchen liberally equipped with pots, pans and large quantites of fresh garlic, awaiting our arrival, there is a canoe which, rumour has it, can easily handle three adults, even including two with larger-than-realistically-acceptable heads, and did i mention the booze?

i hope to sleep in (till 8:30! my recent record!), drink wine as soon as the clock hits 12:01 (prior to which time i would have been slurping coffee liberally laced with irish cream, as per crazy joan's rules of drinking), cook, eat, talk philosophy and meaning of life, be carried to bed by mister monkey and generally get my batteries recharged before i have to return here and put my life into the hands of lobotomized ijits.