20 May, 2008

spray-on abs: my generation's sliced bread

i did the unthinkable today: i looked in the mirror sans sucking it in. and promptly fell over in shock and dismay.

i immediately cancelled dinner plans with s, and took on a walk instead, braving gale-force winds, truck-driving assholes and apparently rabid bears, as gently implied by a gaping bear trap.

fight it as i might, the truth remains that i have entered an age wherein i must choose to either move it move it, or start saying no to myself in my endless quest for yumminess and the delicious goodness of tasty edibles.

thank god i still have my tight little superhuman ass. then again, i don't really know what kind of ass i have, seeing as it's been hanging out behind my back for the majority of its tenure, and all i have is mister monkey's word, but the word is good.

so the next time you see me eating chips* you have my permission to bitch slap me with the chip bag.

*i very very rarely eat chips (sober).

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I hear ya sister. I took out my summer clothes last weekend and, well, let's just say that I'm very, very hungry at the moment. I want cheese. And bread. White. With butter. As a side order to the pasta. Fettucini (fetuccini? fettuccini? fettuccinni? OK...spell check just can't be satisfied) alfredo. OK, now I'm really, really, really hungry...thanks a lot.