10 October, 2007

pucker up and say "meep!"

looking at vancouver condos today, including this unassuming little unit sent to us by our vancouver pal. the unit apparently comes complete with an attractive woman. i'm okay with that - i assume she'll be the one to polish the quartz floors and the oiled copper toilet seats. she'll also be the one to vacuum the virgin alpaca fur rug under the marble tub, cause i sure as hell won't do that. i'll be too busy trying to find my keys. or, to be more realistic, mister monkey's keys. i kinda always know where my keys are.

anyhoo, back to the original concept of this instrumental album i call my blog: van. condos. etc.
i had a sudden and original and strangely frightening thought: hey! we already have a free place to live, i.e. fort mac, we have places to stay in edmonton (hello, family! are y'all reading this?), and we have really only one or two little loose ends to tie up (ahem...kitchen, bathroom, windows, you know, small stuff) before we could, purely theoretically speaking*, sell the house and move our shit to an actual world class city with an ocean and everything. and then we could alternate our weekends between my beloved but admittedly non-world-class** hometown, and a sexy yogational vegematastic recyclicious heaven called vancouver.


*ever noticed that the (possible and/or upcoming) realisation of a dream is frightening? i mean what if we hate it? what if living in van sucks? what if we despise the healthy lifestyle? what if we miss the trucks? what if the rain is really as annoying as vancouver ex-pats all say? what if we say screw the kayaks, bring on the motorized modes of transportation? what if we suddenly crave a hummer? or a piece of cow? what then? what will keep our hope alive once our dream has come true and turned out to be a less-than-average wankfest? what if prince charming is wearing a toupee and a polyester non-iron shirt? what if?

**'cause, like, that's sooo important to me. it's gotta be world class, baby, or i ain't showing up. which is why i have so far spent roughly 2.5 years in fort mac: because it is a world class environmental fuck up. because it boasts a population of world class retards. nothing else would do for yours truly.


Anonymous said...

It better be the entire Alpaca that's virgin NOT just the the fur.

Anonymous said...

On a separate note. As a West Coast Booster™ I have to inform thee that we've been voted as the #2 best place to visit , in the f-ing hemisphere after Buenos Aires (thank you Apple™ spell check) by some rag called Conde Nast Traveller. In your face, Regina!