10 September, 2007

stippled is the new smooth

ever wonder why most superheroes wear capes? or spandex, for that matter?

i think in the latter case, it is clear that like those yuppie nouveau-enviro commuters one sees everywhere, all sleek and shiny in their spendex gear, it is in the interests of aerodynamicity and speedishness. one must be as punctual when saving a screaming damsel from certain death under the wheels of a speeding velocipede as when riding to the office for that important business meeting. seconds count.

the cape, though? i have a theory. sure, you say, it looks pretty, all flag-like and wavy, all photogenic and shit. and yes. there is some truth in that. but let's be honest here: who looks good in spandex? huh? really good? whose ass can take the kind of scrutiny that is surely forthcoming when one prances around saving damsels and babies and little old ladies? and here's where the cape comes in handy: sure, it lifts up when you fly, but all the girls sigh and look at the cape unfurled, and nobody, i guarantee it, nobody looks at your ass. but when you are on the ground? that, my superhero friend, is a different story, and so: swish, swoosh, the cape hides the ass.

ladies and gentlemen, let it be known forthwith: the cape hides the ass.

1 comment:

Anthony said...

Spandex just feels good baby. And it accentuates the package.