the night before last i dreamt i was at a lord of the rings cast party. this, to anyone who knows me, would be the pinnacle of drool-inducing joy. orlando bloom was rude and distant, which i attributed to his legolas wig - how can you not be rude and distant in a long blond wig? the heart-breaker, though, was david wenham's coolness when i asked faramir for directions to the W.C. sure enough, he gave me directions, but there was not even a hint of sparkle in his eye suggesting that we might get together later to do the horizontal mambo. damn.
after this sexual fiasco i wondered the hollywood lot where they were filming. and yes, i do realise they actually filmed in new zealand. in fact, i can bet that i know a hell of a lot more about this movie than you do, so just keep your comments to yourself. this only proves the point that one's brain is a strange machine and we have no control over our dreams whatsoever (which goes a long way to explaining the very disturbing dream i had a few years back, featuring bob saget and me, having sex in a paris subway bathroom. please, let's not mention this again. ever.)
so is there a point to this story? sort of. i just want to go on record saying that i want my old dreams back. the queen and lord of the rings notwithstanding, i miss my james bond dreams. i miss smuggling arms in africa. i miss shooting a semi-automatic weapon off the back of a speeding, fishtailing semi at the goons in pursuit. i miss escaping from a deranged lunatic serial killer in a creepy old house. 'cause that stuff is FUN!
and yes, i am perfectly aware of the irony that the very movies which i generally tend to dislike* (horror? moi? NEVAH!) make the very best sort of dreams.
*except for the bond franchise, which i love, love, love. i mean, who doesn't want to be a secret agent? all the cool locales, the hot clothes, the sexy cars! the ability to kill without the least bit of guilt - that alone would be worth it! last night i was overwhelmed by a deep sense of guilt because i accidentally sent some mayflies to their death, thinking they were eating my hops. mayflies. you know, the ones who live no longer than a day? aaah, the humanity!!!